pleased

Okay, right now I'm so grateful for my lazy ass getting out of bed and making mashed potatoes. I'm so full and pleased. Thanks, you lazy bitch!

you beautiful thing

Look at this beautiful cutiepie! :) Was just lurking around on the net and came across this, then remembered what day it is. Happy birthday, you beautiful thing. The most beautiful flag ever.

officially on the relationship wavelength

Hnnng, another song that makes me wanna cry. Shit, how amazing would be if something like that happened?! Where's my dude?! I'm officially on the relationship wavelength right now.

learned from me

Okay, it's actually pissing out. Is the winter over?! I hope so. I also hope the floors won't be a bitch to clean cause of all the water outside.
Yeah and talked to mum about taking iron pills and eating stuff to up my iron levels. Got talking about minced meat. Mum said she learned how to fry it from me!!! Like what!? She said she used to fry it til it was brown and learned from me that you only have to fry it til it goes red to gray. Never in the world did I think someone would learn cooking from me! :)

I better get them moneys

Ughh, I accidentally got up an hour too early. Fuck!
Also talked to my supervisor about not getting paid for the Christmas party day. Yeah, I better get them moneys. She said it was weird and that she would look into it.

work for free

Okay, I'm pissed off right now. Thank goodness for my mum. She told me to check how I get paid. Well, turns out I never got paid for the saturday I slaved after the christmas party. Fuck! I do not work for free! I will most definitely have a chat with my supervisor or call directly someone higher.

makes me wanna cry

Hnnnng, his voice makes me wanna cry!
Also Trevor Dahl has a nice voice.

TS1512017

emotional manipulator

Okay, today sucked. Was told I might lose all of my benefit money. Good news, good news. Maybe will get it sorted tomorrow.
Yeah and then yesterday I started taking a new iron pill - Ferretab. That's iron fumarate, as opposed to iron sulfate. I haven't read enough about them yet to know what the difference is. The second one, I only took one pill and was up most of the night feeling sick and it gave me the poops a little. Good stuff, good stuff.

The only good thing about today was that my crush at work talked to me a little. Was filling my buckets with water in the toilet and he popped in and said hello. Gave me the biggest fright! Then he said sorry two times after he saw me jump. Then asked me if the offices upstairs were alarmed. I said no. And he said he will take something up there then. And I said okay.

Oh and Ilme is giving me her "hurt" voice. She wanted me to go and fetch her glasses from the shop. I said I'd do it on Saturday. Guess she wants them sooner. Whatever. I gave her an option, don't want it, I don't care. She's such an emotional manipulator!

every other day

Okay, thought I'd be brave and try iron pills again, every other day. Took one on friday. Here we go...hopefully I'll get my blood back on track.
Oh and I ate two bananas today! :D I just want fruit. Normally I'd buy the fruit coctail salad thing, but it's cheaper to buy whole fruits.

Everytime

lol just came to my blog randomly and saw last night's post. Fuck! I knew it! I knew I'd feel sick. Everytime, EVERYTIME, I feel sleepy early I KNOW if I go to sleep I'll feel sick. And I did. It's just how my body is, makes me feel sleepy and sick at the same time. Tonight should be okay though, it's almost 6am.

been feeling sleepy since 2:45am

Okay, I've been feeling sleepy since 2:45am. Am too scared to go to bed this early, for me, cause I just know I'll wake up in a couple of hours feeling unimaginably sick.

for real, today I did talk to him

So I dunno, have mixed feelings about today. I kinda found out my crush's name. Not too sure what it is. I FBd him and not sure if it's him or not. Like all cute guys look like him so it's hard to tell.
Plus, for real, today I did talk to him. I asked him if it was okay to leave my bin bags inside if the big bin outside is full. And he said if there's no other place to put them it was okay to leave them inside and that they'd take them out when they could. Also he said there was some sort of a control thingy today so they put my trashbag into some other bin. Yay! I talked to him! I looked like a potato but whatever. When don't I look like a potato, though!?
Yeah and then my co worker who cleans the garage part asked him for his name. She said "Someone wants to know" when he asked "Why". Shit I hope he doesn't realize it's me.

I ate a tomato today

Okay, a little update. Didn't take my iron pill yesterday or today. Headaches are gone. Fuck! How crazy are those pills!? Never had any issues like that before. Maybe they've changed the dosage of the pill ingredients. Doctor said to take them pills every other day, not every day. Will wait a week to be completely sure the headaches were caused by iron. Have to ring my GP again then, dunno when to go for a check up again.
Was just thinking about what to eat for iron cause as I said liver and beet won't cut it. They're too gross for me. There's one liver sauce I like but the shop that sells it is across the bridge, on the other side of the town. And the last time I had it, was the time when I had that glorious diarrhea for the two days I had the sauce. Dunno if it was cause of the sauce or something else but I'm thinking yes, it was the liver. I'd give it a go now but the weather is far too cold to go so far on the bike. Maybe in the summer. Or spring when it's nice out and I actually wanna go out cause it's so beautiful and awesome. :)
Yeah as I was thinking about food just now, I remembered a dream I had recently. It was of my mum telling me how they cook beef. Like, she was telling it in a way like we or I had never had beef. She was saying how the beef is left really rare and it's bleeding and shit. And I started lamenting, "I ONLY EAT FULLY COOKED MEAT!!" Weird.
But... I ate a tomato today! :D There's iron in it right!?

Stoner

Yeah, I find the fishies at work so cute. They're always eating pebbles and spitting them out. They did it a lot today but everytime I went over to film, they started swimming around and looking at me instead. I only caught one fish, spitting one pebble but sometimes they seem to take a whole mouthful.

two weeks

Yeah I'm going off my iron pills. For two weeks. To see if they are the cause of my headaches and poor wellbeing. If I get better I have to go in for blood tests just after a month on the pills. Called the dotctor, talked to the nurse, said I have to eat red meat, liver and beet for two weeks. Yeah I'm afraid beet and liver are out. :D They're the grossest. Maybe I'll buy tomato juice or something. Have to research the food with lots of iron in them.
Yeah and today, after maybe even years, I woke up by myself, and I felt like I wasn't ready to get up, like I wanted to sleep some more. But it was time to get up. Felt weird and deprived. Oh well. I slept for about 8 hours so it should be enough.
Oh and the night when mum came over... went well. I got done pretty quickly at work, was in my turbo mode. We came back, ate and mum went to sleep, I played the sims til 5 am or so. She didn't give out to me or anything. Yay!
And dunno if I mentioned it already but the audit thing at work went well aswell. No comments on the cleaning/cleanliness whatsoever.
Yehh, that's it.

a bad move

Yeah okay, more whining!
I think it was a bad move to try and go off of Escitalopram this month. I'm taking the pill normally now and still feel like crap. And a few days ago I thought I was sick or something. And I get ocassional headaches to this day. As I've said before, I do not get headaches normally. So I thought it might be me staying up late but I get enough sleep anyway, even when I stay up late cause I wake up late aswell.
So now the only conclusion I've come to is that my poor health is caused by iron tabs. And going off Escitalopram was made so much worse cause of the iron tab side effects. I'll try to ring my GP tomorrow and ask her if I should/can stop the iron. Maybe I can go get my blood test done again and maybe it'll come out fine even after 1 month on the pills. Shit and I've been thinking all this time that I've had a little setback cause of my antidepressant/-psychotic.

a bunny and a wolf

Okay, I'm sat here thinking about anxiety. I said pretty much everything I have to say on the subject in this post.
What got me writing was what people tell you when you have anxiety. I've definitely complained about this before and now I'm gonna complain some more. I loathe when doctors, therapists, people, anxiety pamphlets say that when you get anxiety to just...breathe. Fuck that! This is a flight or fight situation. This is how it works:
Say there's a bunny and a wolf. The wolf is very hungry, threatening and no bullshit kinda wolf. It needs to feed and it needs to do it now! Do people really think when the bunny goes, "Okay, there's the hungry wolf. I'm not gonna run away or fight it, I'm just gonna breathe," that it solves the situation!? Anyone with a half a brain will tell you the wolf doesn't give a fuck about the bunny's breathing. If it just sits there, breathing, the wolf's gonna devour it. And I've never heard of how a bunny kills a wolf. The best thing you can do, when it comes to anxiety, is get yourself away from the stresser, out of that damn situation, flight.
Fuck your breathing, seriously!

Got it!

"laptops with HQ and MQ processors are quad core. If your laptop has a U" processor they are only dual core."

Got it!

wary

Okay, turns out I'm not ill. Just random anxiety or stomach troubles. Probably cause of the audit thing at work, which went well by the way and is over now. So I hope my health will get back to normal aswell now. Eventhough I'm anxious a bit now. Mum's supposed to come over tonight, to spend the night at my place. Lembit can't drive cause he had leg surgery and mum doesn't wanna walk home cause a while ago some wolves killed some dog and that makes mum wary. So, she will stay at my place.
Yeah, hopefully I'll be done quick at work. May have to take Diazepam to calm myself. Fuck! Seriously!?!? For my own mum!?!?

three months of autumn and two months of winter

Okay, there's been three months of autumn and two months of winter. And I think I finally fell ill. Or maybe it's just anxiety. My temperature was a little higher than normal but not yet a feverish temperature. And I've been feeling like shit since last night. No pill seems to be making me better so I dunno what it is... I just feel nauseous and weird. Sleeping is a nightmare. So bad. Keep waking up every hour feeling super sick.