Yeah, rode my bike to my mum's house for the holidays.
Fucked up my head and body again.
Have constant headaches and pressure in ears. No physical strength. Buzzing, trembling legs. Mild nausea. What the hell is this!??! I still haven't recovered from the ride on tuesday.
This is insane! I have no clue which doc to go to.
The only thing that seemed to help right away was antibiotics in september. This is what made me feel a little better til tuesday. I'mso fucked I can't even believe it.
Have neurologist in january or february and I know they won't do anything about it.
Pointless, useless.
Friday, December 27, 2019
Thursday, November 07, 2019
shirtless
lol you know when you're a woman and have boobs... yeah I can't relate.
If my top were to be naked I wouldn't be topless I'd be shirtless... just like a man.
If my top were to be naked I wouldn't be topless I'd be shirtless... just like a man.
Monday, October 21, 2019
"something else"
Ughhh, I'm so sick of these damn bats beeping outside!
One of the fuckers flew into my room a while ago and me and Hedi had a long evening trying to get it out.
Had to buy a net for my window cause it's still kinda warm out and I wanna have my window open. But it being warm out also means those damn things are still awake and flying around. Why the hell are they in town!? You can always and forever hear them beeping outside.
And the net in front of my window is too thick for all that good fresh air to poor in and I cannot remove the thing when the bats are still awake!
Plus I think the whole health thing I have going, since february this year and especially bad since august, is cause of allergy. Like for sure.
Apparently, when talking to a doc, my ears have some pressure problems. The doc wasn't an ear specialist but this is something I believe in so I agree. My ears are always popping, my head is a mess and the back of my nose is irritated. I have hives all over my head and arms and sometimes legs. Fuck! I still have very little energy but it doesn't seem to be as bad as it was in august and september.
Apparently I am allergic to some trees/pollen and some grass but my shit started in february and is still going on now in october. The whole of spring and summer were dreadful too.
It is annoying when the allergist doesn't believe I have allergy problems. She sees my levels elevated but says if my nose isn't dripping and my eyes aren't watering then it's not allergy. Fuck! What!?
My eyes are dry, irritated, tired, itchy. My eyelids get red and swallen. So just cause they go dry instead of over watering it's not allergy.
Just cause I do not cough constantly or have tons of runny mucus I do not have allergy apparently. I have lost my voice on countless occassions since february. Every evening I spend with Hedi and we talk and laugh I lose my voice very very very very easily. And it's not just from talking, I just wake up in the morning and my voice is gone and my throat irritated. But no, it's not allergy.
When I do not get a runny nose I do not have allergy. It doesn't matter apparently that the back of my nose has been irritated since october last year, it doesn't matter my nose gets blocked and dry instead. It doesn't matter shit swells up in my head. It's not allergy.
My head is constantly feeling like shit, it's mix between a headcold and high blood pressure. My ears still have intense pressure in them, with shooting pains from time to time. I've had really bad headaches from my sinuses being inflamed. The swelling inside my head/face/ears is driving me crazy! I lose appetite and physical stamina.
It is not allergy when I get hives with increased levels of IgE.
No, it's not allergy. It's always "something else", "psychological". So yeah I'm back on escitalopram, plus pregabalin.
Dunno if I blogged but in september I was on antibiotics, klindamütsiin - another one I can handle, plus an allergy/rhinitis medication Cirrus.
After that I started the psych meds.
Allergist is an ass but put me on Montelucast for a month. Plus prescribed another allergy med for after. Says if this Montelucast med doesn't work then it clearly is not allergy cause "if the meds aren't working it's not allergy". Why don't you go tell that to cancer patients!? "If the meds and therapy aren't working and your cancer won't go away or comes back it's really not cancer, it's "something else", it's "psychological"."
What the fuck kinda logic is this!?
And it is beyond bizarre how when the meds prescribed by docs do not work they don't even start investigating any deeper but just say it's all in your head and that they can't help you. Well fuck! Maybe change jobs then if you're so incompetent!
Blah!
One of the fuckers flew into my room a while ago and me and Hedi had a long evening trying to get it out.
Had to buy a net for my window cause it's still kinda warm out and I wanna have my window open. But it being warm out also means those damn things are still awake and flying around. Why the hell are they in town!? You can always and forever hear them beeping outside.
And the net in front of my window is too thick for all that good fresh air to poor in and I cannot remove the thing when the bats are still awake!
Plus I think the whole health thing I have going, since february this year and especially bad since august, is cause of allergy. Like for sure.
Apparently, when talking to a doc, my ears have some pressure problems. The doc wasn't an ear specialist but this is something I believe in so I agree. My ears are always popping, my head is a mess and the back of my nose is irritated. I have hives all over my head and arms and sometimes legs. Fuck! I still have very little energy but it doesn't seem to be as bad as it was in august and september.
Apparently I am allergic to some trees/pollen and some grass but my shit started in february and is still going on now in october. The whole of spring and summer were dreadful too.
It is annoying when the allergist doesn't believe I have allergy problems. She sees my levels elevated but says if my nose isn't dripping and my eyes aren't watering then it's not allergy. Fuck! What!?
My eyes are dry, irritated, tired, itchy. My eyelids get red and swallen. So just cause they go dry instead of over watering it's not allergy.
Just cause I do not cough constantly or have tons of runny mucus I do not have allergy apparently. I have lost my voice on countless occassions since february. Every evening I spend with Hedi and we talk and laugh I lose my voice very very very very easily. And it's not just from talking, I just wake up in the morning and my voice is gone and my throat irritated. But no, it's not allergy.
When I do not get a runny nose I do not have allergy. It doesn't matter apparently that the back of my nose has been irritated since october last year, it doesn't matter my nose gets blocked and dry instead. It doesn't matter shit swells up in my head. It's not allergy.
My head is constantly feeling like shit, it's mix between a headcold and high blood pressure. My ears still have intense pressure in them, with shooting pains from time to time. I've had really bad headaches from my sinuses being inflamed. The swelling inside my head/face/ears is driving me crazy! I lose appetite and physical stamina.
It is not allergy when I get hives with increased levels of IgE.
No, it's not allergy. It's always "something else", "psychological". So yeah I'm back on escitalopram, plus pregabalin.
Dunno if I blogged but in september I was on antibiotics, klindamütsiin - another one I can handle, plus an allergy/rhinitis medication Cirrus.
After that I started the psych meds.
Allergist is an ass but put me on Montelucast for a month. Plus prescribed another allergy med for after. Says if this Montelucast med doesn't work then it clearly is not allergy cause "if the meds aren't working it's not allergy". Why don't you go tell that to cancer patients!? "If the meds and therapy aren't working and your cancer won't go away or comes back it's really not cancer, it's "something else", it's "psychological"."
What the fuck kinda logic is this!?
And it is beyond bizarre how when the meds prescribed by docs do not work they don't even start investigating any deeper but just say it's all in your head and that they can't help you. Well fuck! Maybe change jobs then if you're so incompetent!
Blah!
Monday, October 07, 2019
Home Is The New Improvement
So I'm trying to branch out a little and watch Orange Is The New Black. It was between that and Home Improvement and I decided to watch HI but said I'm gonna watch Home Is The New Improvement.
Yeah... I think you can tell I'm not in good shape right now :D
Yeah... I think you can tell I'm not in good shape right now :D
Friday, October 04, 2019
Tuesday, October 01, 2019
We laughed
Also me and Hedi asked each other trivia questions for fun today. There was a question about some american president with the initials W.W. We didn't know of this person and the only "unknown american president" (self-proclaimed, ahem) we knew about was Kanye West. And we called him Wanye West to fit the initials. :D We laughed.
And also a question about "Mexican Hairless" turned into a hairless mexican :D We laughed.
Also, a question for Hedi about Santa's reindeer. The ones whose names start with the letter D. She said, "The only one I know was Dixon. That one's for sure, don't know the rest. Maybe Dingo". :D Who the hell is Dixon?!
Oh and there was a question about the mistletoe plant. The colour of it's berries. Hedi said they're red. They're really white. We were both surprised. I said, "It must be some other plant then not holly with the red berries". She said "Yeah, Robert Plant". I said, "Yeah he's white". :D
Ah so much laughter and my head kills me. I am as stress free as I can be without my health problems. This fucking head thing just is never about stress. It must be something else.
they make it so easy
lol you just gotta laugh at the ridiculousness of gen z.
This chick was like, "I don't care, you can call me a snowflake but people get hurt by what people say".
And I simply said, "funny how you mention not caring about what someone calls you but post the rest of your novel about how people get hurt by what other say. It does sound like a snowflake".
And you know what that body positive, empowered female did?
She told me to get fucked and blocked me. :D
I mean... shit, they make it so easy, for others to see how idiotic they just are :D
Other than that, my headaches are in full throttle mode. I feel like there could be something serious going on by now. It's not normal to have headaches for two months straight.
Cute how doctors never did any tests. Literally none. No blood tests, no brain scans. They must be of gen z.
This chick was like, "I don't care, you can call me a snowflake but people get hurt by what people say".
And I simply said, "funny how you mention not caring about what someone calls you but post the rest of your novel about how people get hurt by what other say. It does sound like a snowflake".
And you know what that body positive, empowered female did?
She told me to get fucked and blocked me. :D
I mean... shit, they make it so easy, for others to see how idiotic they just are :D
Other than that, my headaches are in full throttle mode. I feel like there could be something serious going on by now. It's not normal to have headaches for two months straight.
Cute how doctors never did any tests. Literally none. No blood tests, no brain scans. They must be of gen z.
Sunday, September 29, 2019
kurat
Also I called a place today and the man on the phone said something and I didn't hear.
I wanted to say kuidas but said kurat. :D
I felt so bad about cursing at him for no reason at all. :D I dunno if he noticed or not cause he just kept talking. I couldn't even correct myself or apologise.
I wanted to say kuidas but said kurat. :D
I felt so bad about cursing at him for no reason at all. :D I dunno if he noticed or not cause he just kept talking. I couldn't even correct myself or apologise.
laughed so hard
Wow, just played Dominoes with Heid and laughed so hard.
Highlights:
- She asked a question about Kärmas and Kersna and for some reason the only name I got out of it was Margna and just answered the question about him. He was never mentioned in the question nor required at all for the answer.
- Plus I thought initially Europe and Africa are separated by the Warm Sea but ended up saying Black Sea.
- I also thought sherpas were dogs that accompanied people up the mountains.
- Hedi asnwered a question with "Vene riik"
- I thought Austria and Belgium are in each others' places on the map.
- Hedi laughed at this but I honestly didn't know there were volcanoes in Italy.
Highlights:
- She asked a question about Kärmas and Kersna and for some reason the only name I got out of it was Margna and just answered the question about him. He was never mentioned in the question nor required at all for the answer.
- Plus I thought initially Europe and Africa are separated by the Warm Sea but ended up saying Black Sea.
- I also thought sherpas were dogs that accompanied people up the mountains.
- Hedi asnwered a question with "Vene riik"
- I thought Austria and Belgium are in each others' places on the map.
- Hedi laughed at this but I honestly didn't know there were volcanoes in Italy.
Thursday, September 26, 2019
her witches
Why the fuck does my mum watch some damn witch show!?
Think I talked about the show before when I lived with Ilme. She got super mad when I said the show is scripted and the people were actors and attention deprived fame whores.
Yeah...
I just wanted to gab with the mother and she said she was too busy watching "her witches". It's just as stupid as those "talent" shows.
Think I talked about the show before when I lived with Ilme. She got super mad when I said the show is scripted and the people were actors and attention deprived fame whores.
Yeah...
I just wanted to gab with the mother and she said she was too busy watching "her witches". It's just as stupid as those "talent" shows.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
the little changes in me
I need a man who is just as in tune with me as Rimi...
It's the nuances. Rimi notices the little changes in me.
Friday, September 20, 2019
I "won"
So yesterday I failed quite a bit.
I participated in my very first and also my very last auction.
I basically bought something for 19 euros that is actually worth about 3 euros :D
I had placed the final offer and foolishly only then googled the thing and found out it was so cheap. I was like, please someone make an offer! I don't want the thing anymore!
Of crouse I "won"! :D
Oh well. I just said I paid for the experience of my first ever auction. And I learned my lesson and will not ever participate again. :D
I participated in my very first and also my very last auction.
I basically bought something for 19 euros that is actually worth about 3 euros :D
I had placed the final offer and foolishly only then googled the thing and found out it was so cheap. I was like, please someone make an offer! I don't want the thing anymore!
Of crouse I "won"! :D
Oh well. I just said I paid for the experience of my first ever auction. And I learned my lesson and will not ever participate again. :D
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
Saturday, September 14, 2019
Sure thing, doc!
...
*scoff*
And I swear I've been thinking of going to emergency myself. But I know there's no point cause they'll tell me there's nothing they can do, it's the GP and specialists' job to take care of my condition.
Shit, I know it all too well. Went to the emrgency last weekend and was told exactly this. I'd love to go now too but nothing will be done so I'm just suffering.
Emergency said they do not do them all over scans. GP said she doesn't refer to the scan. Said the ambulance does it. lol Sure thing, doc! The ambulance won't even take me to the hospital much less will they do a scan on me when the damn ambulance takes me to the emergency. I've been there, they do not do it.
*scoff*
And I swear I've been thinking of going to emergency myself. But I know there's no point cause they'll tell me there's nothing they can do, it's the GP and specialists' job to take care of my condition.
Shit, I know it all too well. Went to the emrgency last weekend and was told exactly this. I'd love to go now too but nothing will be done so I'm just suffering.
Emergency said they do not do them all over scans. GP said she doesn't refer to the scan. Said the ambulance does it. lol Sure thing, doc! The ambulance won't even take me to the hospital much less will they do a scan on me when the damn ambulance takes me to the emergency. I've been there, they do not do it.
Might have to quit
Okay I'm dying big time right now!
If the doc still says it's cause of allergy on Tuesday I'll throw a fit.
My back is on fire! I have zero physical stamina. I mean literally. I have no clue how I'm supposed to work. Might have to quit.
If the doc still says it's cause of allergy on Tuesday I'll throw a fit.
My back is on fire! I have zero physical stamina. I mean literally. I have no clue how I'm supposed to work. Might have to quit.
Monday, September 09, 2019
Wednesday, September 04, 2019
at night they put a smile on my face
So yeah, it's dark outside. Obviously.
I love seeing all the dark windows on those blocks of flats around me.
I love how people are being all natural. Doesn't matter who you are, where you are or what you do, you sleep.
And I love how people are doing something so humane together, without realizing it. It is so cute and sweet.
And I love how the dark windows indicate people feel safe and comfortable enough to rest, just like it is in the wild with animals. There's probably someone struggling in the dark but don't think it's the majority. And I most likely couldn't stand probably any one of those sleepers when they're awake.
But at night they put a smile on my face. When you take away all that pretentious and stupid social crap... humans are so adorable.
I love seeing all the dark windows on those blocks of flats around me.
I love how people are being all natural. Doesn't matter who you are, where you are or what you do, you sleep.
And I love how people are doing something so humane together, without realizing it. It is so cute and sweet.
And I love how the dark windows indicate people feel safe and comfortable enough to rest, just like it is in the wild with animals. There's probably someone struggling in the dark but don't think it's the majority. And I most likely couldn't stand probably any one of those sleepers when they're awake.
But at night they put a smile on my face. When you take away all that pretentious and stupid social crap... humans are so adorable.
Monday, September 02, 2019
Thursday, August 29, 2019
A real person actually said this
brain: *is dead*
also brain: *still works better than the one of that not-condoning-obesity-person*
Thursday, August 22, 2019
intense conversation
Two girls, about 5-8 years old, are walking outside with little blankets scrunched up and held up to their faces.
Third little girl from distance, "I see you!"
First girl with a blanket, "It's not us. We're just two little girls who look like us!"
Second girl with a blanket, "Yeah, my name is Hannah!" (supposedly a fake name)
Then the first blanket girl went on to say a fake name too but I was already past them on my bike and didn't hear the rest of this intense conversation. :D Teamwork though!
Third little girl from distance, "I see you!"
First girl with a blanket, "It's not us. We're just two little girls who look like us!"
Second girl with a blanket, "Yeah, my name is Hannah!" (supposedly a fake name)
Then the first blanket girl went on to say a fake name too but I was already past them on my bike and didn't hear the rest of this intense conversation. :D Teamwork though!
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
a big laugh
Me and my flatmate Hedi just had a big laugh. Good times!
Earlier today she said she doesn't like drunk men. Or men who drink in general. And just now, in the evening we had a talk about the moon. She said, "Kui Kuu on täis, siis ma olen nagu "Tule võta mind!" As in, drunk men are no good but the moon is fine.
Also I tried on one of her rings and took it off while scoffing, "Ugh, it doesn't fit my ugly janitor hands. Only rubber gloves fit my hands". Ain't that the truth!? :D
Earlier today she said she doesn't like drunk men. Or men who drink in general. And just now, in the evening we had a talk about the moon. She said, "Kui Kuu on täis, siis ma olen nagu "Tule võta mind!" As in, drunk men are no good but the moon is fine.
Also I tried on one of her rings and took it off while scoffing, "Ugh, it doesn't fit my ugly janitor hands. Only rubber gloves fit my hands". Ain't that the truth!? :D
Saturday, August 17, 2019
pictures of some crappy cars, their kids and with ex's
Crazy how men don't know how to use dating websites.
They post pictures of some crappy cars, their kids and with ex's.
Wow, so appetizing!
Also I started using Tinder on computer... yeah saw my crush from middleschool on there. Liked his profile of course!
They post pictures of some crappy cars, their kids and with ex's.
Wow, so appetizing!
Also I started using Tinder on computer... yeah saw my crush from middleschool on there. Liked his profile of course!
Friday, August 16, 2019
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Let's hope for the both of our sake it doesn't come to that
So yeah...shit sucks right now.
Just hoping for a good way out of intensive care.
And I swear I've been thinking of going to emergency myself. But I know there's no point cause they'll tell me there's nothing they can do, it's the GP and specialists' job to take care of my condition.
My head is aching like nobody's business. And I have this crazy pressure in my ears. It clicks and sends numb pain shots through them from time to time.
My whole head feels like a big zit, kind of like a huge inflamed, throbbing pile of puss about to burst. And that shit would fly out my ears.
I feel nauseous and have no appetite. Have joint, tension pains in my legs - knees and hips. Ankles get mostly tension pains. Luckily my left shoulder, elbow and wrist have calmed down. I feel so weak physically. Completely drained from energy.
And if need be there's no way I could ride my bike to the needed hospital in this condition. I'd have to be taken there in a car. Let's hope for the both of our sake it doesn't come to that.
And also, if need be I'd absolutely move away to help out.
Just hoping for a good way out of intensive care.
And I swear I've been thinking of going to emergency myself. But I know there's no point cause they'll tell me there's nothing they can do, it's the GP and specialists' job to take care of my condition.
My head is aching like nobody's business. And I have this crazy pressure in my ears. It clicks and sends numb pain shots through them from time to time.
My whole head feels like a big zit, kind of like a huge inflamed, throbbing pile of puss about to burst. And that shit would fly out my ears.
I feel nauseous and have no appetite. Have joint, tension pains in my legs - knees and hips. Ankles get mostly tension pains. Luckily my left shoulder, elbow and wrist have calmed down. I feel so weak physically. Completely drained from energy.
And if need be there's no way I could ride my bike to the needed hospital in this condition. I'd have to be taken there in a car. Let's hope for the both of our sake it doesn't come to that.
And also, if need be I'd absolutely move away to help out.
Tuesday, August 06, 2019
too ridiculous
I'm gonna gab for a little longer actually as I have no energy to do anything else.
Okay so the systemic candida thing... I wasn't tested as I talked to the GP and she said it was unlikely and we shouldn't go there right now. And that it's really hard to diagnose anyway. Okay, not mad about it as I don't know anything about this thing really. It was just a thought someone put in my head.
I have my allergy thingy at 175. Was 217. Not the highest but could mean allergy. What am I allergic to? Who the fuck knows. The tests at the allergists didn't confirm mold allergy. Is it a false negative? Who the fuck knows. Been taking all sorts of allergy meds, don't seem to help too much.
Okay so what are my symptoms as of now? Joint/muscle/nerve/tension/ pains in my limbs, aches and tension in my head and ears, often in my face too, around the nose area. Dry, tired, irritated eyes. Nausea ocassionally, buzzing feeling all over my body. Super extreme fatigue/weakness.
It all gets worse around sunnier, warmer, drier days. It's not any of it currently really. But! My body also can't handle physical strain. I did a lot of physical stuff on sunday. And I still feel it.
About the iron I posted... taking iron made it worse for me. But it's not actually caused by iron meds as I hoped. Then the solution to ending my health problems would be an easy one.
Yeah... blah blah blah... Isn't it great when after 30 years of crap you get your anxiety under control and you're thinking "wow, a new lease at life! I can finally live! What should I do? How do I compensate all the things I missed out on for over a decade!? I wanna live life to the fullest! What do I start with, what do I do?" And your body goes, "How about have some more health problems? Why break the streak? Keep doing what you're best at... suffer" Shit! That was sarcasm. I'm not mentally beaten down actually. Yet. It's too ridiculous for me at the moment to be depressed about it.
But physically I do feel like I'm dying.
Anyway... in other news: I cut my hair short. -er. Did it the first time in July and got a trim now in August aswell. Too sick to move and get my phone for pics. But yeah finally felt healthy enough to sit in that chair, stuck for a while. Didn't even get anxiety.
Okay so the systemic candida thing... I wasn't tested as I talked to the GP and she said it was unlikely and we shouldn't go there right now. And that it's really hard to diagnose anyway. Okay, not mad about it as I don't know anything about this thing really. It was just a thought someone put in my head.
I have my allergy thingy at 175. Was 217. Not the highest but could mean allergy. What am I allergic to? Who the fuck knows. The tests at the allergists didn't confirm mold allergy. Is it a false negative? Who the fuck knows. Been taking all sorts of allergy meds, don't seem to help too much.
Okay so what are my symptoms as of now? Joint/muscle/nerve/tension/ pains in my limbs, aches and tension in my head and ears, often in my face too, around the nose area. Dry, tired, irritated eyes. Nausea ocassionally, buzzing feeling all over my body. Super extreme fatigue/weakness.
It all gets worse around sunnier, warmer, drier days. It's not any of it currently really. But! My body also can't handle physical strain. I did a lot of physical stuff on sunday. And I still feel it.
About the iron I posted... taking iron made it worse for me. But it's not actually caused by iron meds as I hoped. Then the solution to ending my health problems would be an easy one.
Yeah... blah blah blah... Isn't it great when after 30 years of crap you get your anxiety under control and you're thinking "wow, a new lease at life! I can finally live! What should I do? How do I compensate all the things I missed out on for over a decade!? I wanna live life to the fullest! What do I start with, what do I do?" And your body goes, "How about have some more health problems? Why break the streak? Keep doing what you're best at... suffer" Shit! That was sarcasm. I'm not mentally beaten down actually. Yet. It's too ridiculous for me at the moment to be depressed about it.
But physically I do feel like I'm dying.
Anyway... in other news: I cut my hair short. -er. Did it the first time in July and got a trim now in August aswell. Too sick to move and get my phone for pics. But yeah finally felt healthy enough to sit in that chair, stuck for a while. Didn't even get anxiety.
Monday, August 05, 2019
Friday, August 02, 2019
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Monday, July 22, 2019
When your family goes to Lithuania from Tartu
Thursday, July 18, 2019
Hi! My name is Diana and I'm dying.
Hi! My name is Diana and I'm dying.
Whatever this shit is, allergy or not but it's killing me right now. Any kind of warm weather does not suit me.
Whatever this shit is, allergy or not but it's killing me right now. Any kind of warm weather does not suit me.
Monday, July 15, 2019
So everything sucks ass right now
So everything sucks ass right now.
With English. I failed. I'm embarrassed for myself. Dumbass!
I did get into another school, kinda of a biology course but the internship thingy is not in Tartu and I cannot travel so I can't take that course. Plus the majority of the lectures will take place in that one single school building and it's too far from my house. I don't wanna move and it's too far to go to every day, maybe even several times a day.
Plus last night I thought I was gonna die. Then just discovered today that July 16th is the full moon. Ughhhh, I just can't escape the moon, goddamn! It kills me almost every single month. Ughhhh.
With English. I failed. I'm embarrassed for myself. Dumbass!
I did get into another school, kinda of a biology course but the internship thingy is not in Tartu and I cannot travel so I can't take that course. Plus the majority of the lectures will take place in that one single school building and it's too far from my house. I don't wanna move and it's too far to go to every day, maybe even several times a day.
Plus last night I thought I was gonna die. Then just discovered today that July 16th is the full moon. Ughhhh, I just can't escape the moon, goddamn! It kills me almost every single month. Ughhhh.
Monday, July 08, 2019
Wow, what hopeful times!
Oh my fucking god!
I might have found a lead to my itching and "sickness" since february this year.
Could be systemic candida.
The last time I blogged about this I felt like my iron medication was making me itch worse but it's cause iron always fucks with my gut. Oh my god! I hope it's true and I get rid of it! The "february sickness" and the itching too. It's officially the third year running now with the itching. Wow, what hopeful times!
Come on! Let me be right for once and get the right treatment! I don't wanna go another 20 years undiagnosed and untreated like I did with my anxiety and end up in a fucking black hole!
I might have found a lead to my itching and "sickness" since february this year.
Could be systemic candida.
The last time I blogged about this I felt like my iron medication was making me itch worse but it's cause iron always fucks with my gut. Oh my god! I hope it's true and I get rid of it! The "february sickness" and the itching too. It's officially the third year running now with the itching. Wow, what hopeful times!
Come on! Let me be right for once and get the right treatment! I don't wanna go another 20 years undiagnosed and untreated like I did with my anxiety and end up in a fucking black hole!
Saturday, June 29, 2019
so soft and sweet
Wow. I just cooked liver on my own for the first time ever. I almost cried when I tasted my cooking.
It is the best liver I have ever tasted in my whole life! For real. Liver is so yummy. I never knew cause people don't cook it properly.
I just boiled it for a long time and just added salt and sugar. Best thing in the whole entire world!
It is so soft and sweet.
It is the best liver I have ever tasted in my whole life! For real. Liver is so yummy. I never knew cause people don't cook it properly.
I just boiled it for a long time and just added salt and sugar. Best thing in the whole entire world!
It is so soft and sweet.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
7th
Now there's 24 applicants and I'm on the 7th place. All people are taking the test though. Okay, motherfuckers. I gotta put my grammatically correct English thinking cap on for this test!
Inka
Okay, third time's the charm, right!? If you don't count the time I got into gardening too, I never confirmed that thing. I got in but didn't confirm I'd go there.
Monday, June 17, 2019
I'm right
Okay, if I'm right about my health right now and I kind of think I am, I kinda hope I am but also kinda scared that I am, then... fuck everybody!
I really think I had my eureka moment right now. I've been right about something like this before so...
I really think I had my eureka moment right now. I've been right about something like this before so...
Thursday, June 13, 2019
Monday, June 10, 2019
it's the people
I just thought some extreme negative thoughts about somebody. And I agree with the thoughts but I also feel bad. I haven't even aired my thoughts to anyone. I guess why I feel so bad is how true my thoughts are and it's horrible I feel like this about other humans. You'd think it's humanly impossible to loathe someone this much. And the reality is that my feelings/thoughts are not the horribly negative ones, it's the people. I feel guilty about feeling so much hatred eventhough it's justified. And needed in all honesty.
Sunday, June 09, 2019
Saturday, June 08, 2019
Thursday, June 06, 2019
expelled!
So there was a little something something online that got me thinking of this dude I had a date with once.
The date was a disaster. But the real kicker came after the date. The idiot texted me "congrats, you passed all my tests". Siiiiiiiiiggghhhh.... My mission in life!
Yes I absolutely was there do make sure he liked me. My opnion doesn't matter, it was all about pleasing him. Seriously, dude!? You make it sound like it was some kind of an achievement for me. Like I fucking graduated with a fucking PhD from dating dumbasses!
The patronization! Did he really think I'd be flattered by this nonesense!? He absolutely failed the date for me and with that message on top he was expelled!
The date was a disaster. But the real kicker came after the date. The idiot texted me "congrats, you passed all my tests". Siiiiiiiiiggghhhh.... My mission in life!
Yes I absolutely was there do make sure he liked me. My opnion doesn't matter, it was all about pleasing him. Seriously, dude!? You make it sound like it was some kind of an achievement for me. Like I fucking graduated with a fucking PhD from dating dumbasses!
The patronization! Did he really think I'd be flattered by this nonesense!? He absolutely failed the date for me and with that message on top he was expelled!
Wednesday, June 05, 2019
so amazed and impressed
Oh wow, I'm so amazed and impressed right now!
I love it how that nvidia shit's drivers break with every windows update. I love it when the nvidia geforce experience shit breaks every single time I download it. I love it how professional people have no clue how to put these systems together so they both work. Computer science shit is the best thing ever!
I feel so much love for everyone right now. All you lovelies are cordially invited to suck my dick!
I love it how that nvidia shit's drivers break with every windows update. I love it when the nvidia geforce experience shit breaks every single time I download it. I love it how professional people have no clue how to put these systems together so they both work. Computer science shit is the best thing ever!
I feel so much love for everyone right now. All you lovelies are cordially invited to suck my dick!
Friday, May 17, 2019
Wow, the air is so dry!
Well, I'm fucking cursed!
A few years back I started taking iron. About an hour after taking the pill I'd get headaches til eventually I ended up completely sick with zero energy to get out of bed. Completely nauseous and in great discomfort all over my body. Sulfate.
Went to try fumarate. All good for about a month or two, great energy. Then bam! The same complete break down. Zero, zero, zero energy to get out of bed, feeling completely sick through out my whole damn body.
Then got prescription iron that supposedly didn't have side effects. About a week in I got headaches starting from the second I opened my eyes in the morning and lasted til I closed my eyes going to bed in the evening. Every single day, no breaks!
And now, I was on Technofer, the soluble pill. Meaning I drank it. And I was like, "What is this weird allergic reaction in ym throat? Wow, the air is so dry!" Bitch! It was the iron. My throat was so irritaed it made me gag, literally. My throat was going insane! And only today did I figure out why it was happening. I was using throat lozenges, nose spray, eye drops, two throat sprays and bought some capsules to put in hot water and breathed in the steam. All cause I didn't know why my throat was so irritated all of a sudden! Then I started to really think what changes I have made recently that could cause it. Fuck! I'm pretty, quite, very sure it's from the iron. I forgot to drink it today during the day and I felt so much better all day. It is still irritated but you can't even compare today and the previous days. I kinda hope my throat was a mess cause of the iron cause then it's answered.
But!
What about my iron levels!? My ferritin was at 6,1 last time. I don't know what to do. The nurse at my GP's office said I might have to start getting iron injections. Fuck no! I don't even wanna know how sick it'll make me. And it would be all out of my control. If it's from a pill I just stop taking the pill but I can't get the shot out of me. Fucking shit!
A few years back I started taking iron. About an hour after taking the pill I'd get headaches til eventually I ended up completely sick with zero energy to get out of bed. Completely nauseous and in great discomfort all over my body. Sulfate.
Went to try fumarate. All good for about a month or two, great energy. Then bam! The same complete break down. Zero, zero, zero energy to get out of bed, feeling completely sick through out my whole damn body.
Then got prescription iron that supposedly didn't have side effects. About a week in I got headaches starting from the second I opened my eyes in the morning and lasted til I closed my eyes going to bed in the evening. Every single day, no breaks!
And now, I was on Technofer, the soluble pill. Meaning I drank it. And I was like, "What is this weird allergic reaction in ym throat? Wow, the air is so dry!" Bitch! It was the iron. My throat was so irritaed it made me gag, literally. My throat was going insane! And only today did I figure out why it was happening. I was using throat lozenges, nose spray, eye drops, two throat sprays and bought some capsules to put in hot water and breathed in the steam. All cause I didn't know why my throat was so irritated all of a sudden! Then I started to really think what changes I have made recently that could cause it. Fuck! I'm pretty, quite, very sure it's from the iron. I forgot to drink it today during the day and I felt so much better all day. It is still irritated but you can't even compare today and the previous days. I kinda hope my throat was a mess cause of the iron cause then it's answered.
But!
What about my iron levels!? My ferritin was at 6,1 last time. I don't know what to do. The nurse at my GP's office said I might have to start getting iron injections. Fuck no! I don't even wanna know how sick it'll make me. And it would be all out of my control. If it's from a pill I just stop taking the pill but I can't get the shot out of me. Fucking shit!
Monday, May 13, 2019
it's the 8th!
Okay who's dumb idea was it to make mother's day a moving holiday!? For me it's on the 8th of may for ever and ever!
Women's day is on the 8th of march and mother's day is on the 8th of may! Do not question me on this! It's easy to remember them like this. You can call your mum on both days and wish a happy holiday. But now for years I've been calling my mum way before the actual mother's day. Like this year I called her on the 9th, feeling bad I had forgotten the day. So, fuck everybody, it's the 8th!
Women's day is on the 8th of march and mother's day is on the 8th of may! Do not question me on this! It's easy to remember them like this. You can call your mum on both days and wish a happy holiday. But now for years I've been calling my mum way before the actual mother's day. Like this year I called her on the 9th, feeling bad I had forgotten the day. So, fuck everybody, it's the 8th!
Thursday, May 02, 2019
a bud
Wow! Wow! Wow!
So my next goals in life has been to have a plant which I grew to blossom. And I have almost succeeded. The flower I was given for my birthday last year by my workplace has a bud! Sadly the weather went bad today, rainy and gloomy and should stay like this for a while. But fuck!!!! I grew a bud!
I was literally gasping for air with exictement when I just saw it.
So my next goals in life has been to have a plant which I grew to blossom. And I have almost succeeded. The flower I was given for my birthday last year by my workplace has a bud! Sadly the weather went bad today, rainy and gloomy and should stay like this for a while. But fuck!!!! I grew a bud!
I was literally gasping for air with exictement when I just saw it.
Monday, April 29, 2019
my fave ice cream
Wow, I just spent the last half an hour coughing my lungs out. I choked on my fave ice cream. I was making scary noises. I hope I didn't wake the neighbours.
I was legit gasping for air. A tip: whenever you can't get any air in, start inhaling really slowly and lightly and then cough out with force. Don't gasp air in depserately. You're gonna drag the crap deeper in you like this and you're not gonna get any air in you like this.
I was legit gasping for air. A tip: whenever you can't get any air in, start inhaling really slowly and lightly and then cough out with force. Don't gasp air in depserately. You're gonna drag the crap deeper in you like this and you're not gonna get any air in you like this.
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Saturday, April 20, 2019
tiring me out
Okay, so I first thought it was the seasonal affective disorder or whatever it's called. Actually, the first thing was a cold/virus. Then the seasonal thing. Then maybe Lyme disease which the doc was sure of aswell. But now I'm thinking I've had allergy all this time. I've mentioned this before but ever since they started heating for the winter my nose has been blocked.
And I dunno if I mentioned but I bought an air humidifier too a while ago too. And from time to time I've been using Avamys, the seasonal allergy nose spray ever since my nose got blocked from the heating. Gotta start all over with them.
Long story short: I've felt like "I have a runny nose without the snot", "feels like a headcold but not really". And I've lost my voice several times and my sinuses have been irritated for forever. And my eyes have been sore and dry since february too.
Well... This fits the symptoms most I guess.
I took some diazepam and started escitalopram again, 5mg. They help a little. Probably calm down the body so it doesn't react as allergically. It is a word! It is used like this!
Started some allergy med too, the ones I had left over from my itching days. Which I still do but less.
And every single second I'm in my room, I have the humidifier on. Day and night.
I'm taking vitamin D, Bs, C, iron, magnesium.
Yeah... see I completely lost my train of thought just now and the motivation to finish this post. I've been like this since February. It's just tiring me out.
And I dunno if I mentioned but I bought an air humidifier too a while ago too. And from time to time I've been using Avamys, the seasonal allergy nose spray ever since my nose got blocked from the heating. Gotta start all over with them.
Long story short: I've felt like "I have a runny nose without the snot", "feels like a headcold but not really". And I've lost my voice several times and my sinuses have been irritated for forever. And my eyes have been sore and dry since february too.
Well... This fits the symptoms most I guess.
I took some diazepam and started escitalopram again, 5mg. They help a little. Probably calm down the body so it doesn't react as allergically. It is a word! It is used like this!
Started some allergy med too, the ones I had left over from my itching days. Which I still do but less.
And every single second I'm in my room, I have the humidifier on. Day and night.
I'm taking vitamin D, Bs, C, iron, magnesium.
Yeah... see I completely lost my train of thought just now and the motivation to finish this post. I've been like this since February. It's just tiring me out.
Wednesday, April 17, 2019
the damn thing I've had since february
Holy shit! My head is literally gonna pop off right now! It feels so incredibly bad! I don't give a shit anymore if it's a psych thing or Lyme disease, it just needs to end now!
For a while there I thought it was a psych thing cause escitalopram seemed to make it a little better but not that much. Plus I have this little cold too and it's driving me insane! But it's mostly the damn thing I've had since february.
For a while there I thought it was a psych thing cause escitalopram seemed to make it a little better but not that much. Plus I have this little cold too and it's driving me insane! But it's mostly the damn thing I've had since february.
Sunday, April 14, 2019
You know a thing I hate?
You know a thing I hate?
I'll tell you a thing I hate.
Whenever I grab whichever pan at my mum's to fry something, the second every pan heats up this disgusting stench of fried onions oozes off the fucking thing!
You will never in a million, billion, trillion centuries smell this shit at my place, off of my pans!
I'll tell you a thing I hate.
Whenever I grab whichever pan at my mum's to fry something, the second every pan heats up this disgusting stench of fried onions oozes off the fucking thing!
You will never in a million, billion, trillion centuries smell this shit at my place, off of my pans!
Monday, April 08, 2019
freak out for a second
I had a proper freak out for a second just now.
I'm sitting here upstairs at my mum's house and all of a sudden I realise the fire is burning in the fire place. I was like how!??!?! I've been here all the time and no one lit the fire!!?!?!?!
I did it myself a little while ago and completely forgot about it. :D Fuck, I'm an idiot sometimes.
I'm sitting here upstairs at my mum's house and all of a sudden I realise the fire is burning in the fire place. I was like how!??!?! I've been here all the time and no one lit the fire!!?!?!?!
I did it myself a little while ago and completely forgot about it. :D Fuck, I'm an idiot sometimes.
Sunday, April 07, 2019
Friday, April 05, 2019
just wait and do nothing
Hello. My brain is dying.
Don't feel like the antibiotics did much. Still, Termobronx is the only thing that I can feel do something.
Will call the doc on monday at my mum's place. Maybe it's Lyme, maybe not. I don't wanna just wait and do nothing.
Don't feel like the antibiotics did much. Still, Termobronx is the only thing that I can feel do something.
Will call the doc on monday at my mum's place. Maybe it's Lyme, maybe not. I don't wanna just wait and do nothing.
Wednesday, April 03, 2019
That moment when...
That moment when you miss the turning of the clocks back/forth.
lol
Where was I?! Apparently it was about a week ago or on sunday or something.
Anyway, at my mum's. My head feels like shit. I'm almost starting to believe I might have Lyme.
lol
Where was I?! Apparently it was about a week ago or on sunday or something.
Anyway, at my mum's. My head feels like shit. I'm almost starting to believe I might have Lyme.
Monday, April 01, 2019
feel so lost
So things have been shitty health wise but I'm on holiday now for two weeks. I feel so lost lol
I had my last official holiday back when I was in Ireland. I don't know where to start.
I had my last official holiday back when I was in Ireland. I don't know where to start.
Saturday, March 30, 2019
a good ass, non sick sleep
Okay, I'll go die now.
I better be okay by the time I need to wake up. We should be going to celebrate the bro's birthday tomorrow and I do not wanna skip!
And I wanna get a good ass, non sick sleep!
I better be okay by the time I need to wake up. We should be going to celebrate the bro's birthday tomorrow and I do not wanna skip!
And I wanna get a good ass, non sick sleep!
Friday, March 29, 2019
this dumbass feeling
Also it's time to take my antibiotic but I wanna take a cerucal, paracetamol or valium instead. I'm not sure which one would work best for now. I know the antibiotic will make me feel even more nauseous. And I'm still quite positive I don't have Lyme. Shit. I dunno what's making me feel so crappy. :s
I have this intense feeling in my nose and the area. My head feels like shit too. But it's not like a cold. Fuck!?
I have my holiday coming up... I will not be doing anything. Just lay in bed all day for two weeks. And this dumbass feeling better stop!
I have this intense feeling in my nose and the area. My head feels like shit too. But it's not like a cold. Fuck!?
I have my holiday coming up... I will not be doing anything. Just lay in bed all day for two weeks. And this dumbass feeling better stop!
Today... I feel like dying
Today... I feel like dying.
Long story short, I'm on my periods, dunno if it matters. And I had to bike 28 kilometres. And I dunno if I'm low on iron or if it's the Lyme disease or whatever but I'm literally dying. I feel so horrible! It feels like this weird, never ending cold-but-not-really-a-cold.
Long story short, I'm on my periods, dunno if it matters. And I had to bike 28 kilometres. And I dunno if I'm low on iron or if it's the Lyme disease or whatever but I'm literally dying. I feel so horrible! It feels like this weird, never ending cold-but-not-really-a-cold.
Sunday, March 24, 2019
my standards are too high?
SO I went to the gynecologist recently. Not even gonna talk about how stupid it was. I literally couldn't even tell the doc why I was there. She just asked when my last period was and if I've had kids. Wow, so much information! She absolutely can diagnose me on this! This was literally all the information I could tell her. She didn't even ask why I was there as she had been late to work herself and was rushing me out the office and just so she could say I was seen by the doc so I have nothing to complain about. Bitch! I literally couldn't say a word.
Anyway, when she asked me if I had had kids I told her no. And she told me why not. I said there's no good men out there to have a baby with. And then she told me to hurry cause women at 35 and plus are "dangerous" pregnancies already,
So yesterday I talked to my stepmum. About men. She at first thought my standards might be too high. Then I told her about my men. She literally told no to every man I talked about. So... do I have high standards? No. Men just suck ass.
As of now, well, recently, I've had two men for try. I haven't slept with either and don't plan to.
The first one seemed nice at first but I was in no way attracted to him. The biggest turn off was his smoking. Look, I will not be with a man if I can't be intimate with him in any way because his stink literally makes me gag. I absolutely need to be affectionate physically and all over my dude. But I will never do it if he smells like shit. I simply do not have to gag every time I wanna be around my man. Never gonna happen.
And then lately I dunno what's going on and I don't wanna know. He seems to be too depressed. He is not my man, I've only seen him a few times so I literally do not have to put up with any man who has such depression problems. I've had enough mental health crap in my life, I'm not about to have a man with the same shit. I don't wantthat shit back in my life, not in me not in my man. I am in no obligated to cater to his depression as I barely know him. I will not go and be fairy godmother to him. I am not a psychiatrist.
His job was renting a room out of an apartment for him. And now the workplace said they will stop renting. He was given a month of advance. What does he do? He just freaks out saying how life can fuck you over at any moment and everything is crashing down. How did he get so unlucky. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhh. We live in the second biggest fucking town in the country. He could find a new place within a day, if not that than definitely in the first week. He just gives up and whines how everything is so horrible. There literally is no problem. Not with the apartment anyway. But he's saying how he needs to go to the madhouse now cause life is so horrible cause of it. He says he needs to quit working too and move back home with parents or something. No but really, where is the drama here? What is the problem? I gave him the number to my old apartment where they had an empty room. And he didn't call them. He said that he had found "the ad" for it online and they had put a "different address" in there and they were "asking for more money". Um dude... you know, more than one place a renting places in this town and you just found a different ad. How in the world does that dude's mind even work? Does it even work!? He called me at 11pm one night. I didn't answer cause I knew it wasn't gonna be a nice chat and I didn't wanna hear him whine cause I just don't have to. Then the next day I asked him what he wanted, online. He started saying he just wanted to tell me how horrible everything is. No! I will completely cut him out of my life. I don't need this depressing shit. I dunno if he expects me to take his hand and walk him to a new apartment or what?! Fucking baby shit! H eliterally is not doing anything to find a new place. He just overdramatizes shit and does nothing. Fuck! You have a month to find a new place in the second biggest town in the country! How is that life fucking you over?! I do not have to deal with his childishness nor his inability to sort shit out. I literally do not need a man like this in my life. I am not his mother nor his therapist. I barely know him and I am not gonna listen to him whine cause I gave him the phone number to my old place, he didn't call them, not my problem, never was either. I didn't even have to give him the contact and I literally do not have to do anything else for him.
The second dude... well, apparently he never went to kindergarten. He dropped out of school. And he can't keep a job. He does like a few months in one place. How the fuck can you have a secure future with someone like that? Plus he says that he needs to drink alcohol to keep depression away. I tell him alcohol is a depressant. He says only when you're sad. Sure thing! Alcohol completely changes how it affects the body depending on your "mood". He said it was stupid to drink when you're already sad. But.. he said he needs to drink to keep depression away... and it's stupid to drink when you're already sad... dude, you said it yourself.
So if I don't have a baby with these two my standards are too high?
Anyway, when she asked me if I had had kids I told her no. And she told me why not. I said there's no good men out there to have a baby with. And then she told me to hurry cause women at 35 and plus are "dangerous" pregnancies already,
So yesterday I talked to my stepmum. About men. She at first thought my standards might be too high. Then I told her about my men. She literally told no to every man I talked about. So... do I have high standards? No. Men just suck ass.
As of now, well, recently, I've had two men for try. I haven't slept with either and don't plan to.
The first one seemed nice at first but I was in no way attracted to him. The biggest turn off was his smoking. Look, I will not be with a man if I can't be intimate with him in any way because his stink literally makes me gag. I absolutely need to be affectionate physically and all over my dude. But I will never do it if he smells like shit. I simply do not have to gag every time I wanna be around my man. Never gonna happen.
And then lately I dunno what's going on and I don't wanna know. He seems to be too depressed. He is not my man, I've only seen him a few times so I literally do not have to put up with any man who has such depression problems. I've had enough mental health crap in my life, I'm not about to have a man with the same shit. I don't wantthat shit back in my life, not in me not in my man. I am in no obligated to cater to his depression as I barely know him. I will not go and be fairy godmother to him. I am not a psychiatrist.
His job was renting a room out of an apartment for him. And now the workplace said they will stop renting. He was given a month of advance. What does he do? He just freaks out saying how life can fuck you over at any moment and everything is crashing down. How did he get so unlucky. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhh. We live in the second biggest fucking town in the country. He could find a new place within a day, if not that than definitely in the first week. He just gives up and whines how everything is so horrible. There literally is no problem. Not with the apartment anyway. But he's saying how he needs to go to the madhouse now cause life is so horrible cause of it. He says he needs to quit working too and move back home with parents or something. No but really, where is the drama here? What is the problem? I gave him the number to my old apartment where they had an empty room. And he didn't call them. He said that he had found "the ad" for it online and they had put a "different address" in there and they were "asking for more money". Um dude... you know, more than one place a renting places in this town and you just found a different ad. How in the world does that dude's mind even work? Does it even work!? He called me at 11pm one night. I didn't answer cause I knew it wasn't gonna be a nice chat and I didn't wanna hear him whine cause I just don't have to. Then the next day I asked him what he wanted, online. He started saying he just wanted to tell me how horrible everything is. No! I will completely cut him out of my life. I don't need this depressing shit. I dunno if he expects me to take his hand and walk him to a new apartment or what?! Fucking baby shit! H eliterally is not doing anything to find a new place. He just overdramatizes shit and does nothing. Fuck! You have a month to find a new place in the second biggest town in the country! How is that life fucking you over?! I do not have to deal with his childishness nor his inability to sort shit out. I literally do not need a man like this in my life. I am not his mother nor his therapist. I barely know him and I am not gonna listen to him whine cause I gave him the phone number to my old place, he didn't call them, not my problem, never was either. I didn't even have to give him the contact and I literally do not have to do anything else for him.
The second dude... well, apparently he never went to kindergarten. He dropped out of school. And he can't keep a job. He does like a few months in one place. How the fuck can you have a secure future with someone like that? Plus he says that he needs to drink alcohol to keep depression away. I tell him alcohol is a depressant. He says only when you're sad. Sure thing! Alcohol completely changes how it affects the body depending on your "mood". He said it was stupid to drink when you're already sad. But.. he said he needs to drink to keep depression away... and it's stupid to drink when you're already sad... dude, you said it yourself.
So if I don't have a baby with these two my standards are too high?
Friday, March 22, 2019
A sellout, this talent
I've been saying this for a long time now. And I knew it wouldn't be well received amongst generation z or people trying to cash in on them so I took a screenshiot before the ban:
Nothing I said was wrong. This is how things actually are. The gen z is is stupid cause they do have pseudoproblems and they're also stupid for not realizing businesses are simply exploiting their insecurities, using them against the people.
I just feel it's a waste of talent of the person who posted the first chapter. They're a talented person in what they do but they choose to exploit this irrelevant crap and choose money over integrity, morals and health. A sellout, this talent.
I just feel it's a waste of talent of the person who posted the first chapter. They're a talented person in what they do but they choose to exploit this irrelevant crap and choose money over integrity, morals and health. A sellout, this talent.
Thursday, March 14, 2019
Love/Kodusoojus
So a while back I thought I made a cute pun.
Was on the phone with mum. She was talking about how she walked the dogs and how the snow hadn't melted on the roads but had melted in our yard.
I told mum, "Kodusoojus melted it". If it's not a cute pun then I don't know what is.
Also, I made myself chuckle with another pun of mine.
I had gone shopping with mum one day and bought new underwear. The panties had "Love" written on the waistband thingy. And when I put them on I realized I had gained so much weight from my med and no lie, I told myself, "The waistband says "Loooooooove" when I put these pants on". But I've gone down on the dosage so hopefully will have lost most of the gained weight... maybe by the end of the summer.
Also, I've been on antibiotics since thursday. Docycyline. I'm handling it okay. Amoxicillin was better. Had no effect from it at all, other than thrush after two weeks on it. But the Doxy kinda upsets my stomach a little and gives me digestion problems. But I can totally handle it right now. Hopefully it won't completely kill me. Have to be on it for a month.
Was on the phone with mum. She was talking about how she walked the dogs and how the snow hadn't melted on the roads but had melted in our yard.
I told mum, "Kodusoojus melted it". If it's not a cute pun then I don't know what is.
Also, I made myself chuckle with another pun of mine.
I had gone shopping with mum one day and bought new underwear. The panties had "Love" written on the waistband thingy. And when I put them on I realized I had gained so much weight from my med and no lie, I told myself, "The waistband says "Loooooooove" when I put these pants on". But I've gone down on the dosage so hopefully will have lost most of the gained weight... maybe by the end of the summer.
Also, I've been on antibiotics since thursday. Docycyline. I'm handling it okay. Amoxicillin was better. Had no effect from it at all, other than thrush after two weeks on it. But the Doxy kinda upsets my stomach a little and gives me digestion problems. But I can totally handle it right now. Hopefully it won't completely kill me. Have to be on it for a month.
Sunday, March 10, 2019
You came, you conquered, you can leave now, bye
Okay. So I feel like shit. And it apparently is Lyme disease. That would explain my irregular or odd menstrual activity and itching I've had for a couple of years. And the horrible full moons. And now the "cold/flu".
*I've not had my voice for some days during the last five weeks. Have had a little sore throat but no voice.
*Occasional little fever
*Fatigue, extreme on a lot of days
*Shaky, unsteady legs, probably from fatigue
*Cloudy, tense and achy head
*Tired, achy eyes. Probably from the head symptoms
*Bad nausea occasionally
*Joint/nerve pains in the back of my right knee, on top of my left foot and in the right side of my chest, plus the pains I've had since my childhood - they can be muscle and joint pains. They come and go.
*General unwell feeling
*Occasional light headedness and feeling like passing out
*Extremely unbalanced in shower with eyes closed, have had it for a long time now
And then the menstruation problems. Excess spotting and bleeding. Pains which I thought were from endometriosis or cysts. And I get bladder issues too when I have those pains. I'm always peeing or feel like I need to pee.
Plus the itching which has probably been there the longest. Must have been my first symptom.
Also last year I took that ultimatum break from work cause of achy joints. The work load was hard but I reckon I would have been better had I not had the disease. I occasionally still get sore and stiff fingers and I do not really have that much pressure on my hands at all anymore.
On medication now. Doxycycline. Since thursday. It's giving my tum troubles already. But so far it's not the worst really. I take two a day. Started taking probiotics too. Have to be on the med for a month. As long as I get rid of Lyme and the med doesn't do any big damage to my body. I really do not plan to tackle this Lyme shit for the next decade. I've done my health battles with anxiety the last ten years. I'm done with health problems now. I'll take the med and the disease simply has to go after that. You came, you conquered, you can leave now, bye. You've done your piece, I accept it, move along. Don't be rude and overstay your welcome. I accept you for what you are and you gotta accept me now. And me wants to live a normal, pain free, clear headed, physically energized life, thanks.
*I've not had my voice for some days during the last five weeks. Have had a little sore throat but no voice.
*Occasional little fever
*Fatigue, extreme on a lot of days
*Shaky, unsteady legs, probably from fatigue
*Cloudy, tense and achy head
*Tired, achy eyes. Probably from the head symptoms
*Bad nausea occasionally
*Joint/nerve pains in the back of my right knee, on top of my left foot and in the right side of my chest, plus the pains I've had since my childhood - they can be muscle and joint pains. They come and go.
*General unwell feeling
*Occasional light headedness and feeling like passing out
*Extremely unbalanced in shower with eyes closed, have had it for a long time now
And then the menstruation problems. Excess spotting and bleeding. Pains which I thought were from endometriosis or cysts. And I get bladder issues too when I have those pains. I'm always peeing or feel like I need to pee.
Plus the itching which has probably been there the longest. Must have been my first symptom.
Also last year I took that ultimatum break from work cause of achy joints. The work load was hard but I reckon I would have been better had I not had the disease. I occasionally still get sore and stiff fingers and I do not really have that much pressure on my hands at all anymore.
On medication now. Doxycycline. Since thursday. It's giving my tum troubles already. But so far it's not the worst really. I take two a day. Started taking probiotics too. Have to be on the med for a month. As long as I get rid of Lyme and the med doesn't do any big damage to my body. I really do not plan to tackle this Lyme shit for the next decade. I've done my health battles with anxiety the last ten years. I'm done with health problems now. I'll take the med and the disease simply has to go after that. You came, you conquered, you can leave now, bye. You've done your piece, I accept it, move along. Don't be rude and overstay your welcome. I accept you for what you are and you gotta accept me now. And me wants to live a normal, pain free, clear headed, physically energized life, thanks.
Monday, March 04, 2019
that event
So... !
Looks like my illness is from that event. It's been four weeks of cold or the flu. And now I'm thinking my itching problems could be from that too.
Looks like my illness is from that event. It's been four weeks of cold or the flu. And now I'm thinking my itching problems could be from that too.
Saturday, March 02, 2019
Monday, February 25, 2019
I improvised
That moment when you go to the shop and buy three tiny super expensive smoothies and get home to realize you have no dinner.
I improvised.
Had dumplings in vegetable puree with spinach, lots of it, on top. It was good. I will most likely eat it tomorrow too.
I wanted to eat the puree with bread but forgot to buy it. It's crappy on it's own cause I'll be hungry again in half an hour.
Also, had a super great day at work today. Worked for six hours and it was great! But I'm still feeling sick. Wanna see if or what the GP replies to my email.
I improvised.
Had dumplings in vegetable puree with spinach, lots of it, on top. It was good. I will most likely eat it tomorrow too.
I wanted to eat the puree with bread but forgot to buy it. It's crappy on it's own cause I'll be hungry again in half an hour.
Also, had a super great day at work today. Worked for six hours and it was great! But I'm still feeling sick. Wanna see if or what the GP replies to my email.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
it's not part of my life
Oh I just remembered, it started a few years ago now when my mum started staying at my place overnight on some fridayscause she had to work on saturdays.
So when she first started staying over so often she'd ask if I have an eyeliner pencil. I have never in my life owned a fricking eyeliner pencil!
And yesterday when she was over after the longest time she asked me again! I have always and forever told her no. Why is she still asking!? She knows I do not wear makeup, why the fuck do you ask me for an eyeliner!??! It is such a prominent thing she asks me and I always give her the same answer - no and I never have and never will and you've asked me several times already and I always tell you the same thing so quit asking!
Then she asked me, "When are you gonna wear makeup?" *facepalm* Why in the world would I ever start wearing makeup? I absolutely get by in life without any makeup at all. There is zero need for makeup in my life. It doesn't make any sense to waste money on useless makeup products that poison my body. There is literally no need or use or good wearing or even owning makeup. I literally never planto wear it cause I never think about it, it's not part of my life.
So... please quit asking me for a damn eyeliner or anything else makeup related!
So when she first started staying over so often she'd ask if I have an eyeliner pencil. I have never in my life owned a fricking eyeliner pencil!
And yesterday when she was over after the longest time she asked me again! I have always and forever told her no. Why is she still asking!? She knows I do not wear makeup, why the fuck do you ask me for an eyeliner!??! It is such a prominent thing she asks me and I always give her the same answer - no and I never have and never will and you've asked me several times already and I always tell you the same thing so quit asking!
Then she asked me, "When are you gonna wear makeup?" *facepalm* Why in the world would I ever start wearing makeup? I absolutely get by in life without any makeup at all. There is zero need for makeup in my life. It doesn't make any sense to waste money on useless makeup products that poison my body. There is literally no need or use or good wearing or even owning makeup. I literally never planto wear it cause I never think about it, it's not part of my life.
So... please quit asking me for a damn eyeliner or anything else makeup related!
Saturday, February 23, 2019
"I'm humiliated!!"
Also I'm watching the Sex and The City film. I'm not gonna deep dive into the ridiculousness of the Carrie character but it was so funny when Big didn't show up. All he did was not show up. And this dumbass bitch stands in one spot and screams, "Get me out of here!" And I'm like, well why the fuck aren't you moving then!? You're just standing in one spot screaming how you need to get away from the spot, you silly dumbass. And she needs three women to escort her out of the place.
Then Big's and The Dumbass's cars pass in the street. Both people get out. Bitch runs over to the groom and starts hitting him with a bunch of flowers, in the middle of the street. Yelling at the man all dramatic, "I'm humiliated!!". Um... ??? Why the fuck you yelling then and not moving? Why the fuck you flowering the dude in the head and making a scene in the middle of the street? You're humiliating yourself! Stop acting like a fucking helpless child then! I can't believe there's people out there who actually like this character. Mindless goons.
At least it was somewhat funny.
edit: 20:56
Now she's talking about how "he couln't get out of the car!?". Bitch! You're the one to talk! You couldn't move away from the spot you were standing at! :D What absurd comedy!
Then Big's and The Dumbass's cars pass in the street. Both people get out. Bitch runs over to the groom and starts hitting him with a bunch of flowers, in the middle of the street. Yelling at the man all dramatic, "I'm humiliated!!". Um... ??? Why the fuck you yelling then and not moving? Why the fuck you flowering the dude in the head and making a scene in the middle of the street? You're humiliating yourself! Stop acting like a fucking helpless child then! I can't believe there's people out there who actually like this character. Mindless goons.
At least it was somewhat funny.
edit: 20:56
Now she's talking about how "he couln't get out of the car!?". Bitch! You're the one to talk! You couldn't move away from the spot you were standing at! :D What absurd comedy!
eating carrots and turnips and drinking sauerkraut juice
That moment when you buy a kohlrabi and carrot mix and you discover the kohlrabi is turnip. And it tastes gross. What happened to turnip? Why is it so gross tasting all of a sudden? The two veges used to taste the same!
But anyway, I'm eating carrots and turnips and drinking sauerkraut juice. Will probably get diarrhea.
Also, just emailed my GP and asked for iron and vitamin D test plus to check if I had a cold/virus.
But anyway, I'm eating carrots and turnips and drinking sauerkraut juice. Will probably get diarrhea.
Also, just emailed my GP and asked for iron and vitamin D test plus to check if I had a cold/virus.
going on three weeks now
Okay I dunno if I have a cold still or if I'm withdrawing.
I'll go back on my regular mirtazapine dosage and see what happens. Eventhough I started feeling crappy before I started weening off. I just cannot handle feeling like this any longer. I'm done. I'm going on three weeks now. This is bullshit.
Oh I had my liver package test done. One thing came back a little higher than normal. Will do another test in a few weeks time but apparently it's very sensitive anyway but doesn't necessarily show inflammation or anything.
And will contact my GP to ask to check if I have a virus or something. I dunno what's going on.
I'll go back on my regular mirtazapine dosage and see what happens. Eventhough I started feeling crappy before I started weening off. I just cannot handle feeling like this any longer. I'm done. I'm going on three weeks now. This is bullshit.
Oh I had my liver package test done. One thing came back a little higher than normal. Will do another test in a few weeks time but apparently it's very sensitive anyway but doesn't necessarily show inflammation or anything.
And will contact my GP to ask to check if I have a virus or something. I dunno what's going on.
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Build Me Up Buttercup
Omg, I had recorded myself calling into a radio station and request a song for women's day for my mum. It was Build Me Up Buttercup, McFly/Busted's cover. *facepalm*
Also the other recording I sound dead. I feel so bad for the host. He's trying so hard to get me to talk. I guess I just called to get the song not chat. I distinctly remember a time when I called in and I was told to stay online, they were gonna put me on air and I said I don't want to.
Also the other recording I sound dead. I feel so bad for the host. He's trying so hard to get me to talk. I guess I just called to get the song not chat. I distinctly remember a time when I called in and I was told to stay online, they were gonna put me on air and I said I don't want to.
the music isn't helping
So I'm trying to find this one voice recording of myself.
So I've been listening to my old tapes. My ears are literally fucking dying from this crappy usic I used to listen to when I was in my teens. It's just so shit. My head feels so bad. I mean it could still be the cold too but the music isn't helping.
So I've been listening to my old tapes. My ears are literally fucking dying from this crappy usic I used to listen to when I was in my teens. It's just so shit. My head feels so bad. I mean it could still be the cold too but the music isn't helping.
Friday, February 15, 2019
Not entirely but
So I woke up this morning. Was home alone as per usual. Didn't talk to anyone for a few hours then called mum. And was like, "What the shit!?" My voice is gone. :D Not entirely but I sound fucking weird.
I don't get it though. My throat has been sore for a about a minute on several days over the week. So for a very little time. I'm so surprised as to why my voice is gone cause I hardly feel a problem with that area.
Dunno if I have to go to work or not. Just sent an email.
I don't get it though. My throat has been sore for a about a minute on several days over the week. So for a very little time. I'm so surprised as to why my voice is gone cause I hardly feel a problem with that area.
Dunno if I have to go to work or not. Just sent an email.
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Feel worse now
Okay I napped.
Feel worse now.
I think I'm sick again. Fuck! Tomorrow is theatre day!
Feel worse now.
I think I'm sick again. Fuck! Tomorrow is theatre day!
That moment when...
... a painkiller gives you a headache.
Think it's my 4th headache in life. Have taken 750mg of paracetamol 4 times in two days time for the nerve pain in my right shoulder. I have never once in my life had a natural, no outside trigger headache in my life. Only from meds. And I'm greatful for my body for that. Now... I'll go and try to sleep off this med.
Think it's my 4th headache in life. Have taken 750mg of paracetamol 4 times in two days time for the nerve pain in my right shoulder. I have never once in my life had a natural, no outside trigger headache in my life. Only from meds. And I'm greatful for my body for that. Now... I'll go and try to sleep off this med.
Friday, February 08, 2019
All for nothing
I'm sick. Wow.
All those damn veges and seeds. All for nothing.
I have muscle pains all over my body. Especially in my torso, back and front. My head feels horrible. I asked for one sick day too from work. Hopefully I won't need more and hopefully the illness won't get worse. I hear horror stories about colds and viruses this year. No thanks, I don't want a role in one of those stories.
I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna be online, on my laptop, I don't wanna move, don't wanna sleep. I literally just wanna lie down and not do anything.
Plus my anxiety is acting up too with this illness as per usual.
Anyway... bottom line: don't eat vegetables, you fall ill.
All those damn veges and seeds. All for nothing.
I have muscle pains all over my body. Especially in my torso, back and front. My head feels horrible. I asked for one sick day too from work. Hopefully I won't need more and hopefully the illness won't get worse. I hear horror stories about colds and viruses this year. No thanks, I don't want a role in one of those stories.
I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna be online, on my laptop, I don't wanna move, don't wanna sleep. I literally just wanna lie down and not do anything.
Plus my anxiety is acting up too with this illness as per usual.
Anyway... bottom line: don't eat vegetables, you fall ill.
Thursday, February 07, 2019
herbal remedies
I said, "Oh yeah, herbal meds, "just breathe" and breathing, any meditation mumbo jumbo, "choose happiness", "be positive", "change your attitude"."
Wednesday, February 06, 2019
Friday, February 01, 2019
Monday, January 28, 2019
Sunday, January 27, 2019
central heating
My nose is so blocked, kill me now!!!
Damn central heating!
It's been like this since... october or something.
Damn central heating!
It's been like this since... october or something.
Friday, January 11, 2019
outshopped
Wow. This was a first. I outshopped my mum today. She has this stupid idea of keeping the winter coat on in shops so it was basically like this:
Mum: Ooh, let's go to this shop and then that one.
And then in every shop we went to...
Mum: Can we leave already, I'm so hot!
I told her so many freaking time to take her damn coat off and she said she can't be bothered to have anything in her hands/arms.
Anyway, I got a cute little jacket and a winter coat myself cause the zipper on my last one broke. It was actually the reason why we went shopping today.
Plus I got new sneakers. I don't wanna wear my winter boots cause the salt they put on the roads completely destroys my footwear. I literally bought the runners for this winter only. The only bad thing is, they have kinda hot pink details and laces on them. I will definitely buy some muter coloured laces, like gray.
Yeah and I feel like I might be menopausing. No lie. It's the psych meds I feel.
Mum: Ooh, let's go to this shop and then that one.
And then in every shop we went to...
Mum: Can we leave already, I'm so hot!
I told her so many freaking time to take her damn coat off and she said she can't be bothered to have anything in her hands/arms.
Anyway, I got a cute little jacket and a winter coat myself cause the zipper on my last one broke. It was actually the reason why we went shopping today.
Plus I got new sneakers. I don't wanna wear my winter boots cause the salt they put on the roads completely destroys my footwear. I literally bought the runners for this winter only. The only bad thing is, they have kinda hot pink details and laces on them. I will definitely buy some muter coloured laces, like gray.
Yeah and I feel like I might be menopausing. No lie. It's the psych meds I feel.
Monday, January 07, 2019
fruit salad
In other news, I bought fruit salad. It smells and tastes like wine. Probably not gonna eat it.
The last time I watched porn
Okay, these idiots who think this works... it doesn't. Why would they assume everyone watches porn?
The last time I watched porn was when I lived in Ireland, on a different device/network/whatever but okay. So the "hacker's" trojan has serious lag :D I remember being exceedingly frustrated with the porn that's out there. Nothing for women! All porn is so male viewer oriented. I wanted to watch "regular" porn, as in man fucking a woman. Couldn't. All it showed was the bitch's face and holes. Not interested. Plus the damn slapper was screaming bloody murder. Not there for that. I wanted to only see the man and his dick, thanks. So regular porn was a huge no.
The only thing for women would have been some stupid shirtless pics of fucking... beefy firefighters or something. Not interested. I want a regular ass joe fucking, with his dick. And why the fuck do I have to look at these ugly man pictures when men get all kindsa videos of those screaming women? Not fair.
Then I dabbled into lesbian porn, just to see if those idiots were screaming too. They didn't scream. Was much more pleasurable. But absolutely not for me. So I went for gay porn. Found my twinks, I mean, ass fucking, but it was the best I could find. At least it was cute guys, only guys, being sexual.
Now this "hacker" also assumes all people wank. Yeah I don't. Never did when watching the twinks either. I know what I like and what I don't. I like a cute ass man fucking me with his dick, everything else is shit and doesn't turn me on. So fuck yourself, you wanker!
Also I'd like to know how the "hacker" could see through the sticker I have had on my webcam for years.
Now, onto the sharing of the "my wanking vids" or something. Why does this fucker assume again it's a shame? He clearly does not come from my family. I could talk my mother to death about sex and everything that comes with it. I'm an over sharer. I'd say the "hacker" would know if they had been observing me :D Like... this blog for example. Also, yeah I show my mum the dick pics I have on my phone from my lovers lol I really doubt anyone could expose me any more harder than I do it myself.
Also... social life. :D Hahahahahahaa. I literally just know my family which is like... about 4 people.
And the part where they talk about the bitcoins... I know they're trying to sound horrifyingly teasing and amusing but it fails so hard I'm embarrassed for them. You can't bitch a bitch, dude!
Oh that was sent to me in november 2018. Haven't seen anything happening. Would have spiced things up in my life though. :D
Wonder if I should report it? Get those scammers!
Also... I hope there's actual porn for women out there these days. If there is I might have a look again. But I know it would still be naked beefy firefighters and it will never be my thing. I like my skinny ass, short ass averages joes, thanks.
Also I never put anything online or my computer I would never share with anyone. Be wise, kids.
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