Cherry and almond pies

Been sleeping all day.

Only took half a dose of the antidepressant, but boy, does it work?!

Could feel the sleepiness come on only like 5 minutes after taking it.

Think I've been awake for 2 hours today.

If I'm able I'll watch Up later on.

So drowsy and sleepy.

Zzzz...

Went to Spar though.

Really like those cherry and almond pies they sell.

Maybe I'll go back and buy one more now.

They're a bit pricey though, 1.80 or so a piece.

Mmm...

Rerise

So yesterday was a big fat depressing day. Today's not much better.

Although, I really did feel like going crazy and killing myself yesterday. Stupid doctors.

I 'scared the shit out of'' my boyfriend - he doesn't like it when I talk about suicide, it does his head in.

Well, if I was to kill myself I'd do it in a really quick and non-painful way.

I wouldn't make myself suffer, the doctors do it more than enough to me.

And yeah, if I was to do it, I'd do it properly like, so I'd actually die - no half arsed suicide when after it failing I'd have to live with the same bad health and the feeling of  dissapointment or crippling myself as a result of hurting myself.

Yeah, looked at some family pics so, to make me consentrate on something else besides feeling like I'm about to burst.

Dad had posted his childhood/youth pictures on a website, made me happy.

How hot was my Dad as a young fella?

Looked at some videos of my holiday in 2007.

If I can get this video uploader thing working I'll post some more videos.

Also some clips from time when I went for a walk on the countryside and to Dublin with a friend.

I love buskers! Only if they're actually talented and pleasurable to listen to.

Anyways, so the trip to my GP got me really stressed out. Got new tablets - Protium and Colofac.

Went to see a shrink today - was supposed to be a psychologist. Had been waiting for 4 months to see one, but I mean what was I expecting, it's doctors I'm talking about. They're all fucked in the head.

Got really frustrated and upset there - agreed to take antidepressants - Z, hopefully they won't make me feel funny.

Yeah when I got all upset and stuff, the psychiatrist called in two more people. Maybe they'll do something this time. A woman is supposed to ring me on Friday to check how I am doing.

Other than that, I've been playing the violin. Getting better - didn't get to see the teacher on Monday though, spent money on GP and a film, My Sister's Keeper.

Yeah it is a sad film, but whoever the "director of The Notebook"  is, he just cannot bring out the sincere emotions, it's all too forced and depthless. I bet the book is good, though. My friend has it, so when she brings it over, I'll give it a go. I only really liked one bit of the film, where the girl says she gets the same seat now and the mother accepts her daughter is dying., but really...shame on the director. I hated The Notebook cause it was utterly fake and this story is nice but lacks real emotions.

I just had a big dinner/lunch - fried potatoes with eggs and frankfurters and warm milk with honey. If I didn't mention it before then I started taking fish oil. Stopped the iron tabs cause I need to take tummy tablets. Feel quite good.

Incidentally, I got yet another follower, Dianne .:

TE010310

What's the point?

Saw my GP today. Depressing depressing.

Don't feel like living today.

What's the point? Suffering?

Let's hope it'll be a nice day for once

What a lovely morning!

My room was super warm  and the sun was shining in from my window which made me feel super cozy.

It totally felt like I was in Estonia.

Felt like running out and playing hopscotch with my friends or something.

Then I saw a cat on my neighbour's shed roof, was accompanied by another cat.

Not that interesting, but oh well. I love cats.
Ok, while taking a shower the weather has taken a turn for the worse - it's pissin' out.

And the cats are gone.

 Anyway, while in the shower I started thinking about this video I saw.

It was about people expressing their views on skinny models in magazines and how they 'set standards'. It really grinds my gears that people are so stupid and insensitive towards those girls and dare to blame them for setting a bad example. Those skinny models are not starving themselves for young girls, they're doing it cause they want to reach their dream and they're told to lose weight if they want to reach their goal. It's the people behind the scenes, the idiots who call the shots and have that sick way of thinking. Those are the people who have no heart, they see the girls as walking hangers and the skinnier the girl is the better business they do. So, in my opinion it is tremendously unfair to lash out on those skinny, ill girls.

Running a forum for young girls and seeing 11 year olds talking about diets doesn't really make me want to give out to them. It just makes you feel helpless and angsty cause you know it's wrong but there's nothing you can do, cause there are the 'fashion people' out there whose sick inhumane voice echoes further than your own and who set the bad example to girls with their unhealthy business. The amount of pressure the girls are under is incomprehendable to me.

In addition to that, I don't like it when people are standing up for overweight people saying things like 'Oh, who wants to be a pile of sticks anyway' or 'Men like curvy girls' or 'Big person, big heart' or whatever that is demeaning towards the lean or skinny women.

First of all, who wants to be fat? Secondly, yes there are men who like obese women, there's also men who like skinny women, men who like any kind of women but if talking about curvy, then a fat person doesn't necessarily mean curvy. Curvy means the hour glass figure, genetical big boobs and bum, not jiggling bellies and flappy arms. A skinny person can be curvy aswell.

And if the fat people had as big of a heart as it's made out then they wouldn't go round saying it's okay to be overweight but not skinny.

Tools!

Orphan

Hm, so I watched a film with Katriona - Orphan.

Thought it was gonna be about ghosts and stuff.

To my surprise it was about an Estonian psycho killer. :D

I squealed with delight!

I warned Katriona about locking her door tonight cause I'm Estonian and you never know when my psycho killer side decides to show up. :D

Anyway, been feeling like poop since yesterday.

Started taking leftover Ulcid tablets and Motilium.

Plus, talked to my Dad's wife, a nurse, she told me to take B vitamins and fish oil - vitamin D3.

Oh and boyfriend was over yesterday. Had a bit of an...argument type of thing.

Well, I don't really argue, just sulk and give the silent treatment...and cry. :D

Anyway, we made up after a few minutes.

It was cause he was bored and rushed me with eating so we could do something and it's super hard for me as it is so I don't want any pressure from anywhere or anyone when it comes to it.

Oh and I've read my earlier posts and I thought it would be weird to read about my sex and period stuff but it didn't feel awkward to me, so... :D Yesterday was a mess. The first time was quite alright but the second time we had to stop cause it looked like a massacre in a slaughterhouse. :D

He was like, "Holy shit!" And I was thinking yeah...imagine being a girl and seeing that every month. Not so nice, huh? What with the shedded uteral lining and blood, plus PMS.

BJs are nice though. :) Mmm...

Anyway, got 2 more followers - Kaidi and Birgitta., total of three now:

Great stuff! I'd be more enthusiastic about it if I didn't feel so sick.

My GP is still on sick leave so hopefully will see him next week, will have  my landlord call him to speed things up and to be taken more seriously.

Should also see my violin teacher on Monday for 30 minutes.

Oh and we watched Glee the other day, maybe I wrote about it, cannot remember now.
Anyway I was drooling over Kevin and one of the girls said, "You' re so on your own on this one." Hahahaa, oh well he's hot to me!