This is how real people talk, man.

Red: What the hell is this?

Fez: Looks like a box.

Red: I know it's a box.

Fez: Hey! What's with the attitude? I'm just making conversation. Looks like a box, it is a box.This is how real people talk, man.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eric: I can't frigging believe that my mom didn't plan a frigging party on my 18th frigging birthday. The only party going on in this house is in their bedroom and that's all... 

Hyde: Forman, you hate when your mom does stuff for your birthday. Remember two years ago?

 
Eric: I'm 16.

Red: Hey, your mother worked very hard on this party. Now you be nice to her or we're cancelling the puppet show.

Kitty: Sit on the tiny horse, so I can take a picture.

Eric: I can't mom. I'll kill it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lol, I love That 70s Show so much!

Commenting

Oh I set up the commenting business. If anyone feels like commenting then go ahead. :)

I didn't realise I hadn't set it up before.

I watched The Perfect Man all night, several times and I love the song I Will Learn To Love Again by Kaci. Find it and enjoy it! ;)

♥R♥

Just a thought about Haiti

Yeah, you know the there's ads and stuff to get you to give money for the organizations that help Haiti people and then there's people who actually donate money for that.

I was thinking that if it really is as big of a catastrophy as they make out then why is there money needed.

Can't those people who get the money eventually provide help for free? Whatever the help might be - offering food, shelter, medical help, equipment, delivery. Why can't all those people in charge of those things do it for free? Why is the money needed? To me the donating is not about giving or recieving help, I see it as an act of greediness.

I'd have no problem giving money myself, I just don't have any left over.

I gotta pay for my own shelter, food and medical help. If I don't I'll be socially frowned upon and environmentally labelled as a tramp and personally...I wouldn't survive, especially with my poor stomach.

I would do my voodoo positive energy thing towards those people but I'm sick, think I won't be sending out that positive energy now.

Just got up

Feeling slightly better, although I haven't eaten yet.
Things with bf should be ok.

Okay, today I have to get out of the house. It's sunny and lovely out.
I don't wanna hear about any shakey legs and sick stomachs.

I wanna die

Right now. Die right now on the spot.
I've soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo had enough of feeling sick.
I want to die right now!
Enough! Enough!Enough!
JUST FUCKING ENOUGH!
ENOUGH!!! ENOUGH!!!
IT'S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR FUCKIN TEN YEARS.
SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOO ENOUGH!!!

Sent

So I sent a text announcing the early arrival. No reply yet.

If I don't get one then...oh the disrespect!

Music wanted

Since I've been feeling a bit poo poo lately I've been listening to nice soothing music, especially for my star sign if that matters. My fave's The Moon Is Coming.
Anyway, I decided to put some of it on here aswell. I didn't think it went that well with the old look so got a new layout too. :) It looks really nice when you turn off the lights and just look at it and listen to the music.

Will be adding more music as soon as I get the tunes uploaded.

Oh and I think I started my period. Will see how normal they are to be sure it's not a false alarm and then tell...erm...my boyfriend?

I am on a roll, indeed

My 4th blog entry today.

I blame my poor health for doing nothing at all all day.

Anyways, I bought Nexium, apparently one tablet of that is stronger than 2 tablets of Ulcid a day.

Can't take one today cause took Ulcid already in the morning.

Motilium is going to be my best friend, my ...well drug, my obsession and craving for quite some time now.

Without it I cannot exist!

Gahh, so much stuff has surfaced about my possible health problem, that it makes me want to...well kill myself. I already wanted to do that before any of the information, but oh well.

I just want to feel good or ok.

Oh I played the violin. Played some lovely tunes: The Bucks of Oranmore and others.

I was just thinking that I play the tunes a lot slower and at a wrong rhythm and they sound so lovely and beautiful. Nothing like reels or jigs or anything traditional, but...I'm just saying that the actual way of playing seems to take away the beauty and sonorousity of the melody and some ornamentations, although it adds a lot of personality and kind of a homey feeling or the sense of belonging.

I will probably blog some more today...have about 4 hours left.

Oh and I set up this thing, so..if anyone wants to talk to me then, go ahead and do so. I'm bored out of my mind today. 


TS270110

Yay!

Just ate a toast with mayo on it and a cup of hot chocolate with honey and cinnamon.

I'm on a roll!

Still feeling faint an dizzy though.

Have to go out to get my social welfare cert. Just made an appointment with my GP for next Thursday at 15:30.

Have to get more Ulcid or maybe he'll change it to Nexium or hopefully an L-pill.

Hard

Oh god, eating is so very hard.

I'm struggling so much with a little bite off of an apple.

It just doesn't want to go down at all.

So I'm just eating Ulcid and Motilium tablets.

I really hope it's not pregnancy business now, that it's just the regular stomach troubles I get.

I feel so so so sick and weak.

If anyone wants to kill me, now's your chance. I won't struggle, I promise.

Damn

My blog is messed up. :/

Anyone wants to help me fix it? Click me!

Into the Shit by Sally Supershit

Diana (November 17, 1985) was an Estonian wanderer who adopted the name Sally Supershit and hiked into the pharmaceutical field with little food and equipment, hoping to live a period of happiness and well-being. Almost 25 years later, she essentially died of starvation and digestion disorders near...a pharmacy. Inspired by the details of Sean Penn's film Into The Wild, in 2010 Diana wrote a blog of the similar title, with herself portraying herself.

Gahhh, I feel like super super super Sally Supershit!!!
What on earth is going on with my stomach!? I want it to end now! Now! Period! End of!

Blah day.

What a pointless day it was!
Felt sick through most of it.
Played a bit of violin.
Found the tuner. Sounded so bad before.

Oh, took a pregnancy test. It has only been six days but yeah I figure if I have the pains then they're period pains rather than anything else.
Come on, bring on the period!

Still didn't hear from the boyfriend.

Oh and I just love That 70s Show! I can wake up in the morning and put on the show and watch about three seasons a day in a row. Love it, love it!

It's different with Glee though. That show is a load of...poop. When it comes to Kevin and the show then it's like...liking a garbage man. Oh well, it's not the woman's business what job the man has got, she doesn't have to be interested in his career. It's a person's choice only how they earn their rent and bills money. Eugh, Glee stinks, garbage.

Four and half days

Haven't heard from my man in 4 and half days.
Last text he sent me said he was depressed 'til I start my period and if I don't he'll be suicidal.
That's not a very nice atmosphere to leave me lingering in.
Feeling period pains for the second day, hopefully not early pregnancy signs.

Had a heart to heart with a friend who didn't judge me.
Thanks.
Talked to another female friend who was in the same boat as me.
Said men are all selfish bastards.

I know pregnancy scare can be scary but don't blame the woman for not taking the pill when you could have used a condom. I can not be held responsible for someone elses fear that they could have avoided themselves in the first place.

Have a bit of money.
If I'm gonna be sensible I'll pay for my hospital pill.
If I'm gonna be down and need comforting I'm gonna buy Sims 3 World Adventures.
If I break up with my boyfriend I'll buy him a present, cause I didn't get him anything last year for Christmas or Valentine's Day and he got me loadsa stuff.

I like Impulse fragrances, but the shower gels are just too...smelly. You wouldn't wash your lady parts with that stuff unless you were aiming for yeast infection. Bought it cause it only cost 1 euro.

Scare

Well, here I am stuck with pregnancy scare. Woohoo fun times!
Boyfriend's so scared he hasn't contacted me in three days.
Fine by me - he's way more upset and worried than me. Seeing him like that upsets me.
Feel like I have period pains, but it could also be early signs of pregnancy.
Not due til Sunday next week.

Mmh, the wait is a killer!

Another bad day...

..starts here. What horrible horrible hours I've had.
Wish there was an easier way round this madness.
I'm so upset, not about the mess itself but the upset the mess has caused.
I feel like a murderer and I do care.

Worst day of my life

I hate this day.

Fathers

Wow, this is weird.

Like, I can remember one of my grandfathers.
The one that lived with my grandmother. He wasn't my biological grandparent, but I do remember him.
The "real" one I think is alive, but I've never seen him in my life. I don't think I even know his name. Silver?

Anyway, just now I found out my grandfather from Dad's side of the family passed on 8th of January.
Yeah, I saw him like...once?
And I feel bad, I even felt bad long time ago when that grandad and his wife were both in good health and my father asked me to go over to their house. I never did. And then they got sick and my father stopped asking me to go with him.
And after my grandad died they discovered he had cancer.

Yeah, it's just weird.

Oh and my father is like a super amazing man!

Windy men

Wow, yesterday was mad windy.
My windows were closed and all but the curtains were moving all over the place so I had a look at the window.
I had never been able to close my window properly, that's why it's been so damn cold in my room.
Anyway, think it was yesterday yeah, I had another closer look at it and managed to close it properly. Yeah, I've been living here for over a year and there's only 2 weeks til the end of the winter and it was only yesterday I managed to get the window sorted. I always thought it was just broken and didn't bother doing anything about it. Oh well, better late than never.

Despite my poor health, I've been sleeping quite alright. Don't wake up as much feeling sick in the middle of the night. It's a lot warmer with the window closed and my electric blanket on. I love the blanket. Although, sometimes it doesn't feel like...natural heat, feels very...electrical.

Oh I had a dream about me stalking Kevin McHale. At one point I went crazy and tried to kiss him and he was like, 'WTF!? Get off me!' Yeah, I cannot even have him in my dreams. Rejection!

Oh and I just remembered that I tend to watch a film with a man when I first meet him.
Like with my boyfriend, the day after the day we met, we watched Superbad.
Before him I watched Phonebooth with another...man on the day I met him.
Before that, Nacho Libre on the second day with another bloke.
I cannot remember other films now, but I've been with my boyfriend over a year now and the other two have been within the past two years aswell.

Oh and I remember when I was 16 or so I never wanted to hang out in the streets giggling at some bloke's lame pubescent jokes. I always said I my dream would be to go to an art gallery for a first date and that I would marry the guy who took me to a Vivaldi concert.
Well, time came.
About three, four years ago I met up with a guy and we went to the art gallery. Very nice!
He said he used to skip classes when he was in school and go to the art gallery to look at the paintings. Mh, sounds super nice. That kind of thing works with me like a hot knife through butter.
And another time I was out with a male friend and his friends. I wasn't that interested in his friends at first but then one of them said if he could he'd wake up in the morning and stay in bed for the day reading books and that his dream would be to open and run a book shop. Knife...butter... Anyway when the seat next to that guy opened up I dragged myself quickly there and started rubbing his leg under the table. :D
At the end of the night when he walked me home he tried to kiss me, but I freaked out.
Oh well and later on when we saw again he acted like nothing had happened. Well, nothing really happened. So it's cool.
Anyway, back to the guy who took me to the art gallery. There was a Vivaldi concert coming up which I wanted to see. It was gonna take place in some church and I didn't know where it was located. So I asked him where it was, cause it was in Dublin, where he lived. He asked to be my companion so we ended up going there together. Yeah, I didn't marry him.
He was a bit too...unbalanced. I'm bad as it is, I don't need anyone like me or worse than me around. Yeah and I wrote a poem about him and translated to him. He must have been really thrilled somebody wrote a poem about him, cause he said so but the poem itself wasn't the most positive piece of writing. Oh well.

Oh this goes off topic but I went to buy more Ulcid tablets yesterday and found out my prescription was up. Luckily the pharmacist agreed to give me a week's supply. Well, I was prescribed about 100 tablets and for a few months but I had only bought about...half maybe.
I feel like that tablets are helping..but I'm super disappointed with...whatever is making me feel like that. I've never been this bad and it's scary to think I might be stuck with it all my life.

Yum! 16 Jan

Right, since I started feeling I didn't really want to think about food or write about it.
I did eat something though.

Yum! 14 Jan
I know I had the chicken kebab in the morning on Thursday and two meals of mashed potato with a slice of rye bread.
Had gouda cheese on its own.
Think I took one tablet of Ulcid.
Had a chocolate/muesli bar.

Yum! 15 Jan
For breakfast I had 6 chicken wings, egg mayonese, lettuce, cheese, cucamber, milk.
2 Ulcid tablets - one in the morning, one in the evening.
Two meals of vegetables (peas, corn, beans, paprika which I picked out) and fishfingers (cooked in the oven, 4 and 3).

Today:

• Ulcid tablet around 14:00

• Egg mayonese, cucamber, lettuce, cheese, chicken fillet, Snapple Kiwi Strawberry drink: ~14:30
• Pack of King's Cheese & onion crisps after that.
  

Yum! 13 Jan

• Buckwheat porridge, a slice of rye bread with gouda cheese, a cup of hot chocolate with honey and cinnamon - 00:30
• Piece of gouda cheese - ~6:00
• 1 Motilium around 16:00
• Bowl of peasoup over a few hours from 16:30
• 1 Motilium: 22:20
• Taco cheese fries, bit of chicken kebab, milk: ~23:00
  

Yum! 12 Jan

• Slice of rye bread, 2 slices of roast meat ball, 3 waffles, 1 glass of granule juice - 3:00
• 4 waffles, 1 glass of kefir with sugar - ~14:00
• Motilium tablet - ~17:00
  
• Buckwheat porridge (with pork), glass of granule juice - ~18:15
  
• Half a packet of dried brushtooth lizardfish after that.
• Pack of Estrella crisps - ~19:00
• An apple - 22:20
  

Yum! 11 Jan

So because of the possibility of having IBS I decided to take up writing down what I eat again.
So I'll have daily updates of my eating pattern.

Um... woke up at 7, but couldn't eat cause of my sore mouth. Was hungry though.

• Chicken doner - around 13:00
• Tangy Cheese Doritos - after the doner
• Buckwheat porridge (with meat), 2 slices of roast meat ball, a slice of rye bread, 1 glass of kefir with sugar - 20:00
• 2 Penguin bars around 22:00
• 1 glass of Regulan at 23:00

Nuts

Right, there was this one time when I woke myself up with snoring...or snorting. And I was like drooling all over the place. My lips, tongue and everything else around them were swollen, sore and stiff. I know it sounds super cute and adorable.
Anyway, the evening before I had eaten a packet of nuts.

Around Christmas time I had a few chocolate sweets that had hazelnuts in them and the same thing happened in the morning.

Last night I had a chocolate with nuts in it and I have a sore mouth now: blisters, swelling, stiffness.
I can't say the letter s.

Huh? Have I developed an allergy to nuts or what? I never had anything like it when I was a child.
It's just the last couple of years.

Also, I've read about eating disorders and digesting problems to figure out my stomach problem.
I came a across this one disorder - achalasia or dysphagia.

I have an appointment again on the 17th of Feb. And after that some day I will have the endoscopy and colonoscopy day. Gah, I read that the stuff they give you for cleaning out the inner tubes the day before your colonoscopy appointment can make you sick. Yeah, i don't want that. Hmh, will see how that goes.


There have been some scary thoughts in my head, for quite some time now that are waaay too overwhelming to have in your head, let alone talk/write about.
Like, why is that you kind of...literally...want to let go of a person who has been really nice to you and has supported you, someone who you cannot find any flaws in? It's absolutely killing me. This is what I want and need from another person, but unfortunately my want and need to give something as nice back to a person doesn't apply to that certain person. Well, my consciousness agrees with my wants and needs, but my emotions just live a life of their own.
I don't know what to do about it. Bummer!

Boyfriend was over last night. Went for a walk, oh and I put some make up on beforehand. I hadn't touched my make up 'tools' for sooo long since I'm stuck in the house 24/7 and no one sees me. Mascara-what? Foundation-who?
Boyfriend wanted to go for a few drinks, I didn't, so we didn't go. Then he said he wants to introduce me to his friends, while out drinking or at his house. I wouldn't mind his house but it means he as to bring me there, in his car. And yeah, I get motion sickness when he drives, also with a lot of other drivers.

Okay, I'm really bored at the minute and hungry, but cannot eat since my mouth is ow! No more peanuts! Ever!

Oh and I really really want to watch Titanic, but I cannot find the DVD. Maybe I wrote about it before but...it's been missing for quite some time now.



TE060110

Super snowy

So I woke up one morning and it was snowing. I literally jumped out of bed, ran downstairs to the backgarden to film the snowfall. Pretty.



I went for a walk today, since it was super lovely and snowy out.
Met up with a friend. Took some pictures.
(Yes, I know, I'm a very charismatic and expressive poser)

This one is taken right outside my door


This one is in the park


Also in the park


In the park, by the river


Saw five swans


Two Swans

Thought about it before...

and why is sex so complicated. Why can't you just do it and enjoy it?
I'll never be able to take pills and I really don't like condoms and I cannot afford a baby right now.
Nevertheless, yesterday was great!
One of the greatest if not the greatest.
Today wasn't as fun cause I was giving myself a headache with...noise.
Think I have a cold. My nose feels funny as well.

Right, other stuff.
Didn't see my boyfriend since he gave me the presents.
Came over last night. I swear my legs are so sore. :D
Out of practice.

And I came to realise why I hate the idea of marriage so much.
It's because of my mother.
Growing up, my mother always and always told me to ring my father and ask for money.
They divorced when I was 5.
And now I realised that for the reason why I hate marriage I always say, "because that's buying stuff together, physical stuff, it has nothing to do with feelings".
I guess it's true, but there just might be something more to that.
Anyway, becuase of all the chanting, "Call your father! Call your father!" I find it really hard to be dependant on any man. And I cannot imagine having a house and all the things in it that's been bought with our shared money.
Blahh.

Other than that, I'm seriously addicted to crisps, E621.
I get very nervous and giddy when I haven't eaten crisps for a day.
Bad.


TS030110