Happy New Year bitches!

So I'm spending the New Year's Eve alone. Thought the dogs would keep me company but they're pissing me off. They are totally missing the rest of the family cause they keep whimpering all the time. Ugh! So annoying!

Figure 8

So I was in a mood for some good songs. Searched for something nice for quite a while but didn't find anything.
Then! I thought maybe Miss Ellie Goulding has released something new and good. And she has! Plus, so conveniently it happens to be her birthday today. Happy days and years to come, missy!

this nausea is killing me!

Blah, this nausea is killing me! Cannot wait til I get my hands on omeprazole.

And the mother's man just made me angry. Asked my mother what pharmacies they went to and she said they were all closed. And then he butts in and starts giving out to me about it and says there's no point in talking about pharmacies. And I said I was talking to my mother not him and that he should pipe down. Then he said if I wanna talk about pharmacies I should do so quietly. Who the fuck does he think he is telling me I cannot talk about pharmacies with my mother. He can go and fuck himself. Men suck dick.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so sick physically and now I have this mental/emotional stress.

*sad face*

*sad face*
Sigh... the major nausea is back. Think it's cause I went down on my dosages of antidepressants.
And I have no money to buy more pills. Mother won't give me any money either. Will have to borrow off someone outside the family.

Today, I wish to say fuck you

Today, I wish to say fuck you to the person who stole the batteries of my bike's lights.
I dunno where I'm gonna keep my bike now so that no one can vandalize it.
It kinda took me forever today to get to my mother's place so I had to bike in the dark and I had no lights to be noticable. A few bastards honked at me. I didn't think to check my lights before going on the road so...
Ughh....it's just so unfortunate.
Other than that, I got my first and possibly only holiday gift today. Off a girl from my forum, KristiinaT.

Sent off my present aswell. But it won't reach the girl before the holidays so...it kinda sucks. Oh well.

one big son of a bitch

In town today. Freezed my ass off when riding my bike. It was okay for most of the time but when I had to cross the bridge I froze. Am okay now.

Just watched Mystery Diagnosis. Ugh, isn't the human body one big son of a bitch when it's sick!? So, today I'd like to send out positive energy to all sick people, with rare and not so rear conditions. Also, I wish for everyone who doesn't know their diagnosis yet to learn about their condition quickly. It took me ten years to be diagnosed with anxiety disorder.

Be careful what you wish for

Oh yes! Seen the film quite a while ago but it stuck with me so I watched it again the other day. I must say, if I was to... do a film I'd do it exactly the same way as this was done. Tim Burton style is a bit over the top for me but this here is amazing.
And I really want to read the book by Neil Gaiman. I'll have a look if it is here, in Estonia, in libraries. If not I'll order the book online.
Recommending!

Meil on aega veel

Gotta promote some good music:

Glee, Actually review

Ahhh, Kevin! Feliz Navidad sounds a bit better when you see Kevin in action.

Not that I wish anyone to have it but I don't really like Burt, so the cancer announcement wasn't that tragic.

Loving White Christmas!!!

Why does Glee keep on being so illogical?! How can Puck be there for no reason!?

Okay the wedding business was ridiculous.

Ugh, have nothing against the Marley actress but couldn't they really find someone with a more interesting voice. She's so mediocre. I think even having the Sasquatch as a leading lady would be more interesting and... better.

Hot hoaxer

In regards this whole nurse kills herself over a prank call business, I gotta say it's such an unfortunate situation but the male DJ, Michael Christian is so hot.

My nails are getting too long, can't pick my nose

Okay, a while back, around my birthday, my dad and stepmum came over to visit me. Stepmum said that crisps could be the reason why I have anxiety. She said shit like that fucks up your body. So I decided to stop eating them. Haven't had crisps since Friday now. Let's see how long I can keep it up.

My nails are getting too long, can't pick my nose.

Need to move on with my life

Okay, I have my first job interview tomorrow. Some random grocery store.
I also applied for a job as a.... vet assistant. Not sure I wanna see badly injured animals though.
Also, applied for a job in a hotel. Would love that.
Ugh, no more anxiet please. Need to move on with my life.

Oh and what is this monstrosity called Feliz Navidad sung by the lovely Kevin McHale!? I hate this salsa or whatever the shitty music.

taking a break from uni and go to work

Well, I guess it's settled then. I'll be taking a break from uni and go to work.

Open Water

Okay, I never wanna own my own house. I'm so sick of mowing the lawn, raking leaves, shovelling snow. It's like there's work for every season. Ugh.

What got my writing though, is the film Open Water. Boy, is that film scary or what!? I mean the second film. I was so nervous through out the whole film.

TS08122012

Glee Swan Song review

I thought Mr. Schue was gone already!?

Hahahahaa, at the Brittana (?) shippers! Way to go to deal with it like that. Crazy fuckers!

Oh dear, Rachel's first performance was a bore-fest. A standing ovation!? Kurt's audition wasn't better.

Corey's still surprisingly good.

your grandmother

Okay, my brother really needs to stop burning himself. He keeps making "your grandmother" jokes/insults. We have the same grandmother, fool!

Whine and whinge!

Whine and whinge!
So because of that one unfortunate Tuesday when I started feeling sick during one of the classes has put me off going to school. Haven't been for about three weeks. :/
Luckily I'm getting a note off of my dotcor so maybe I can retake some tests and hand in my belated homework. Hopefully.
Other than that things have been rather civil. Going to mother's place tomorrow since the classes on Fridays have ended. I feel so... I guess disappointed that I haven't been to all of the lectures since they've been very interesting. I hope I won't be kicked out and that I don't have to repeat the year.

Oh bother!

Oh bother! It's so snowy out that I didn't get to cycle to my mum's place. Ugh, who asked for this much snow anyway!? I soooo cannot wait til spring.
Now I'm stuck in my bed and will do fuck all over the weekend. Not that I ever do shit at my mother's place but still.
Maybe a lad will come over tomorrow, Raivo. He said he'll take me for a walk. We'll see how that goes.
Yeah and I cannot believe it's the end of November already. And still. On one hand, where did November go? And on the other hand, the winter hasn't officially started yet and it's already this snowy.
Blah!

Glee Thanksgiving review

Okay, who's great idea was it to have Naya sing back up to Dianna? It was very disturbing.
And again, why are random people walking through the school like nobody's business? Is it an American thing?
I cannot believe the whistle song was on Glee. Don't the bosses know what the song is really about!? And why censor "handjob" then!?
Hahahaa...the party in New York was fun! :D
The second act at the sectionals was good.
I'm sorry...I try not to be rude but it's impossible. The Sasquatch has the ugliest mouth ever, it's just gross when she moves it. Plus the horrible bingo wings.

other worldly

Okay. Everytime I pass the cemetary I talk to my grandmother and grandfather. In my head. I mostly ask for support and alleviation. You know, for anxiety. And maybe there is something other worldly going on. Cause last week I didn't make it to uni once. Thinking maybe the alleviation took this kinda form. When I'm not in lectures I don't get anxiety. This is not what I actually want but I appreciate the support. If it is other worldly.

I'd be bedding the fit lad by now if I was in town

Okay, the fit lad only wants a sexual relationship. I wouldn't mind but I dunno how long I can keep it up since I might get into a relationship with another lad.
Oh how I wish I hadn't come to my mother's place today. I'd be bedding the fit lad by now if I was in town.

I wish!

Squee! The fit one night stander just messaged me. Marko. Ahhh, he's so yummy. Hopefully we'll have another night together. I wish!

Glee Dynamic Duets review

Um, not much to say. I guess the show is getting better since I don't have much to bitch about.
I was a bit excited about the special needs teacher since I'm studying to be one. Well, sort of. Haven't been to lectures for a week.
Yeah, and the Marley thing was relatable for me when she went and asked that guy out. Been there, done that, under this very same circumstance. Hell, that's how I lost my virginity.

Kinda scary

Okay, I might be stepping into my second relationship. Kinda scary. Will see how it goes.
Oh and I'm totally boycotting uni. Should totally start going!

G or V?

Ahhh, I just love having toy boys! Had one over just now. Raigo.
He kinda was talking about a relationship aswell. Um, this might get tricky since another lad was kinda talking about it too. Raivo.
We'll see.

I'm officially 27 now

Blub. I'm officially 27 now. Friday was a crappy day. Haven't really felt like eating for a few days. Don't know if it's the anxiety or just a cold. Have a little fever and all. I hope it won't last long. Will go to bed soon, hopefully when I wake up I'll feel better. Cause like... we're making salad and we have a cake, I'd like to be able to eat.
And it took me forever to watch Glee cause I felt so ugh. Was okay I guess.

a few one night stands

Okay, so I basically have a lad who's willing to be my boyfriend.
Ughhh..I dunno if it's right though. I mean the one guy I really fancy doesn't want me. The guy I have a chance with, I mean he's okay looking and all and we get on but I don't feel the kinda spark like I do with the other dude. Why can't I for once in my life, get what I want and who I want.
I don't give a shit that I slept with the fit guy, I want him for myself, like for regular shagging and cuddling and stuff.
We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, have a test on Friday. Ugh, the tests just keep getting harder and harder. I don't wanna do them anymore. I hope I get at least 5 points for the test. I'm making cheats tomorrow cause there's no way I'll be able to know the stuff by heart.

And then it's onto my mother's place! And my birthday!!!! Yay! :D Hopefully my dad's family can make it over to my mum's place.
Ahhh, cannot wait for the weekend.

Oh and I wanna shag someone. Think I'll have a few one night stands before deciding on the dude.

Well done, Taylor

being a whore

Okay, yesterday I met up with yet another lad. Seemed kinda okay. He brought me flowers. Three roses. Luckily they're not red, pinkish white.
Didn't sleep with him so that's something new.
Think it was my mother's talk that made me change my natural routine. She said I was being pretty much a whore. I didn't think there's anything wrong with being a whore but she said I need a good positive relationship and it might just help me with my anxiety. She told me not to be so open. We'll see.

Glee The Role You Were Born To Play reivew

Oh fuck, if it's not Kurt and Blaine all lovey dovey, we have to put up with them crying over eahc other.

I kinda have a feeling the show is gonna fail real bad amongst the die hard fans when all these new people come in.

Well, I must say it was a rather good solution to make Finn the leader of Glee club.

On a personal note, didn't go to class today cause I'm so embarrassed for not being able to learn stuff. I just can't study...nothing sticks.


TS08112012

Right!?

So I can add yet another lad to the list who isn't my boyfriend, Martin.
God, he was stuck on my like a clam. Thought he was gonna break my ribs. Eugh... don't fancy him. I so want it to happen between me and the Kevin-dude, Marko. He is so cute! Don't think he's interested though since I sent him a message and he replied very briefly. Sent him a text asking him to come over today and he said he couldn't. Think if he was interested he'd say "Can't tonight but maybe some other night". Right!?
Wanna cuddle with him so bad!

And I'm almost twenty fucking seven!

Oh come one! What's a girl to do to get a boyfriend!?
So far I've had Stephen whom I dated for four months.
Then Connor who I dated for three days.
Then Robert whom I dated for three months.
Then was flirty friends with David and got down once with him.
Then my only boyfriend Ronan, whom I was in a relationship for a year and seven months.
Then a shag buddy Teet.
Then Magnus for a while.
Then Rando and that bastard raped me.
And now I had the fit guy but nothing's gonna come out of that.
Blahh....and I'm not counting the other nothings.
And I'm almost twenty fucking seven!

Oh and today was the unfortunate day I had to leave a lecture cause my anxiety was so bad. I'm thinking it was cause I hadn't eaten or cause my period is about to start.

Kevin McHale lookalike

Gah, just had a Kevin McHale lookalike over! Thank god we shagged!

birthday gift from the mother

Plus! I will get a new jacket for winter. It's my birthday gift from the mother. Yay! Cannot wait to wear it. I've become too fat for most of my clothes. It's the antidepressants for ya.

just talked economy

Woah, just talked economy with a guy. Never have I ever done it before.

thank goddess for my blog

Ahh, thank goddess for my blog where I can rant. I got this whole thing..the adenoid thing out of my system when I ranted about it before and the mother's man clearly didn't.
So when I went downstairs later he was still in a fit. Hahahaaa....it's his own fault. He so wanted to be right and shit. Then he accused me and the mother of being nervous and stuff when he was the only one blabbing in the middle of the kitchen while me and mother watched on.

So damn healthy!

Gahh! Men!
The mother's man was saying how doctors don't know anything and how he knows better. He was saying he had an old man as a doctor and how he was so sure of himself when diagnosing. And he was saying the doctor was an ass. Which was sort of ironic since he himself is old and so sure of himself.
We were talking about how my friend's baby has adenoids and she needs to have an operation done. And my mother's man started ranting about how the baby doesn't have adenoids and he was so right about it and that the doctor who diagnosed her was an ass.
Oh god! Yes I agree doctors are asses and don't know shit. But I believe doctors know more than the mother's man. After all, they studied the thing for 10 years.
Besides, the man hasn't even ever seen the baby. So how the hell does he know what she does have or not?!
I only said the baby is said to have adenoids and he started telling me how she doesn't. What a tool!

And I hate it how him and mother are trying to get me to drink alcohol. They say it works better than my medicine and that my doctor doesn't know anything. Yeah, I can see how healthy they are! He is sick with tuberculosis and she has bladder problems. So damn healthy!

apologise to everyone

Also, today I'm feeling a little positive again and would like to apologise to everyone I've ranted about on my blog. I'm sorry.
The last time I said something nice my health plummeted so now to be safe I'll take a bunch of pills. Laters! ;)

Hey there!

Oh dear, I'm so incredibly lazy and sleepy. Hopefully tomorrow I will get up in the morning for a class.
And it's so annoyingly cold out. Boo!
Oh and I have a new follower, Valeria. Hey there!

back to town

Today, I have to go back to town. Been at my mother's place for over a week. I'm sort of nervous and anxious. I hope I can shop normally, without anxiety.
Oh and yeah, it snowed for the first time a few days ago. The snow is still there, hasn't melted of yet.
I really don't wanna ride my bike in this cold and damp weather. :s

normally I'm quite closefisted

Been watching a lot of Glee song videos. Damn, the songs are good.
Shame about the show itself.
Just thought I'd mention it since normally I'm quite closefisted when it comes to complimenting the show.

Oh and I don't really agree with Glee stars being political. They're just actors and singers, nothing more. It would be okay if they advertised voting but choosing sides is wrong, eventhough I'm an Obama supporter too.

Dianaboo!

So I don't wanna jinx it but I've been feeling better, be it cause of omeprazole, the right medicine, being outside or my little trip to the town.
Plus, my mother's man's sister sent me some strawberry jam and we ate it today. It's magical!
I'm also starting to sort of work on my forum again. Wanna make it bigger and better. We need more members, active members. Unfortunately placing an official ad to some website costs waaaaayy too much money.
Yeah and I'm downloading photoshop again to make a new theme for my blog. Keeping the name though. Wanted to rename it to dianaboo but it's taken. Boo! Dianaboo!

Happiness to everyone!

Oh yay! Today, I bought omeprazole and I've been able to eat. Twice.
I hope I'll get better now.
I'm in such a good mood! :D
Happiness to everyone!

Why oh why!?

Yeah, looks like I'm back to my former cannot-eat-cause-of-anxiety self. Why oh why!?
I so enjoyed going to uni and all. And now I have this stupid condition again. Mother wants me to go to the doctor tomorrow but I really don't wanna go to town, back to my place there.
I'd give whatever not to feel so nauseous and sick. Blahhhhhhhh... why me? Why now!?

anxiety out of control again

Boy, am I in the mood for whining or what!?
I just keep feeling like shit. I just cannot bear the thought of it being anxiety out of control again. It's so hard. I keep taking Valium and it's not helping. I also keep having a little fever now and then so hopefully it's cause of that. Gahh, I wish I felt better already, wanna go to uni so bad.
I wanna eat normally and not have second thoughts about doing it.

Something is happening

Oh dear. Something is happening to my body. Don't know if it's just the anxiety or a virus but I feel sick and cannot eat. :(
I sooo hope tomorrow will be better cause I have my favourite lecture tomorrow.

send out all of my positivity and good health

*cry*
Waaahh, what happened to my good mood during the day. Have really bad anxiety. :(
Is this the result of sending out positive energy!? Did I send out all of my positivity and good health!?
Ughhh, I really hope tomorrow and next week will be better.

share it with the universe

Today is the day again I send out positive energy.
Although my eating isn't the best, I feel positive and want to share it with the universe.
I tidied up the kitchen and raked leaves. Hopefully the mother will be satisfied with the result and be pleased.
And I hope the next week will be better, health wise. I really want the anxiety to tone down a bit so I can be calm in classes and when in shop.

sky high

Think I'm a lil sick. Can't eat and anxiety is sky high. Hopefully it'll pass quickly. Won't go to uni today for a test. Resting at mother's place. Well... not resting. Have to go out to rake leaves. Blah, it's so cold and boring out.


Plus, I left my computer at my place. It's the first weekend since I got my laptop that I'm without it. Blub.

no sex til boyfriend pact

Okay, think I'm gonna break my no sex til boyfriend pact. Too hard :D

что я здесь вижу...Ой!

Just finished watching Friends. Blaaaaaahhh, why did Rachel and Ross end up together!!?? She's so not worthy! Majorly and utterly annoying character. Thank god I've seen all of the episodes and never have watch the show again!

Maybe there's a link there

Okay, if I ever do  PhD course in uni I will do a reasearch about the 35delG mutation in gene GJB2. That is supposed to affect hearing. I'm thinking... I used to listen to music a lot as a kid. Like with headphones and the volume was crancked up. I'm thinking it might have to do something with my anxiety. Mainly cause I feel nauseous most of the time and in public places, sometimes at home I feel like passing out. Maybe there's a link there.

leave all your work til the last minute

Blah, my brain is fried! It's not a good idea to leave all your work til the last minute. Filling in this table about different ways of councelling. Think I've posted about it before.
And there's a test on Wednesday which I haven't studied for yet nor do I know what to study for it. Plus there's a test on Friday which I haven't studied for either. Gahhh....

Primavera

Oh dear. Uni is hard. Learning about heart and blood circulation and shit. Think it'll be yet another test I will fail at. Like... we really dig into the subject and have to memorize all the smallest details.
We had to choose a subject for ourselves and unfortunately I didn't get a language. I got the basics of counselling. Have to read 21 pages about different ways of councelling and fill in some tables. The bad thing is, the texts are in English. Like, I don't mind English in general but this psychological stuff is hard as it is, in Estonian, so I don't see a reason why they'd make us read it in English.

Have had two backs of these today:

Phew...

Yes! I got 17 points out of 20 for my presentation.
My anxiety kicked in and I had to take a break in it but luckily people asked questions and I got to answer them from the parts I didn't get to in the first round.
Phew...glad it's over.

In class

In class. Next lecture I have to give my presentation. Scary.

fancied the thing

Woah! Had the best dream last night. Dreamed I was doing it with Kevin McHale in a toilet cubicle.
I've fancied the thing for about 5, 6 years and this is the only sexual dream I've had about him

Oh and tomorrow's the big day. Presentation day! I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hope I won't get anxiety cause I really really wanna pull it off. The paper and slides came out so well, it would be sad for the presentation to fail.

TS07102012

I'd be super

Yesss! Just finished my paper on Sparta! Now if only I could do the presentation without failing I'd be super!


Oh and I've been watching Friends. Again. I'm on the ninth season I think. And I just...dislike Rachel. I think I dislike her more than I dislike the whole of Glee. God, I hope her and Ross won't end up together. He deserves someone so much better. Joey's a ...not a particulary nice either so he can be with her. I hope they end up together, the two freaks. Oh my god, did I just pull off mild bitching!?

Glee The Break Up review

What's up with Finn's dazed impression?

That Blaine's performance was rather awkward.

Blahhhh!!!!! The whole Rachel and Finn and the other guy's business reminds of Friends when Rachel and Ross were on a break and Ross slept with another woman. Why is Finn making such a big deal out of the thing when he broke up with Rachel!? Pissed me off majorly when watching Friends...not that bothered about it on Glee but it's stupid nevertheless. I don't like Don't Speak in this version.

What is this stupid song Santana's singing!?
Okay, that is seriously too many break ups for one episode.

WTF! How can people who don't go to a school be in it like nobody's business?

Oh that last song was so boring and depressing. Liked Brittany's bit though.

All in all, too much pointless drama and not enough of catchy songs.

Wow. At mother´s place and wow!

Wow. At mother´s place and wow!
The new bathroom looks gorgeous!Unfortunately I don´t have my camera with me.

she would smile and it would make me feel better

Dunno if I've mentioned it before but I might start going to church. There's some youth party thingy going on.
I don't like the drinking parties my other course mates attend so... Some girls off my course are going to the church parties so I might join them. And I just might change my mind about religious people, Christians.

The girl I had over the other day is super nice but she's really into religion. She is like... doubting and questioning everything.

Gahh...and I'm so nervous...anxious about the Sparta paper. Have to do a presentation infront of the whole course. I'm not scared of that but it'll be in a totally new place for me so I fear for my anxiety. Blah..blub.

And I still don't get it why people hate communism so much. I'm totally loving everything I'm learning about Sparta. I mean some dude kept transfering everybody to the next lot so nobody would have a better land or become richer than the others. Such a great plan.

Anyway, yeah I'm hoping I can do the presentation successfully without throwing up, feeling sick or faint. The relgious girl (Kati) said if I get nervous I can look to her and she would smile and it would make me feel better.

Sparta paper

Oh goddess, I've been so lazy this week. Didn't go in to lectures on Wednesday as well as today.
So I'm supposed to write this paper about Sparta... and I can't get literature for it! Gah, how am I supposed to do it then!? There's so little about Sparta on the Internet.
Yeah... I'm off to watch Friends and hopefully I'll get started on my Sparta paper.

Oh and yesterday I had my first guest over at my place. A girl from my course, we did this another paper together.

like a gypsy

So maybe I've mentioned this before but I wanna live in a trailer park like a gypsy. I would absolutely adore the commitment free life.
So jealous:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2210747/21st-century-Gypsies-New-Age-Travellers-adopt-horse-drawn-caravans-love-Facebook-long-solar-powered.html

Oh and I wanna change the looks of my my blog. Won't do it before Tuesday though since "I'm studying" for a test.

Screw me!

So I was supposed to study all day today but I didn't. Screw me! Thinking of not going to the lectures on Monday and staying at my mother's place, studying. Ughhh...okay the nervous system is complicated but it's interesting and quite simple when it's neatly categorized but meh.... I'm so lazy.

And as for life in general... Well, been going to uni for about 3, 4 weeks now. Still get anxiety and all but I'm trying to cope. Spending the weekends at my mother's. Still no boyfriend but I'm actually very much in the mood for one. Yeah I made a pact in which I'm not sleeping with another man until he is my bf. For a while there I was pretty loose but I changed my mind. It's not fun shagging strangers anymore.

Glee Makeover review

I don't believe for a second that someone like Kurt could get that kinda job.

Chord is a great singer.

Hah! I knew it was Finn at the door!


Yeah, was kinda boring. Or maybe my head is fried from all the studying I've been doing. Uni is hard.

Finish please!

Rachel walks in on her husband Barry in bed with another woman

Rachel: My god! Barry!
Barry (jumps out of bed): You said you were gonna be away all weekend.
Rachel: Oh, that's right. I'm sorry, I'm early. Finish please!

Glee Britney 2.0 review

Well, I gotta say the Sasquatch, Chord and the bohemian's song was rather good.

Okay, this Marely girl is so boring.

so many things I need and want

Gah, there are so many things I need and want. Like, material things.
A bell for my bike
A helmet
Perfume
New pair of trousers/jeans
Sims 3 Seasons
And as of today, a bonsai tree
http://seraphica.tumblr.com/post/31528434419/just-a-few-of-the-captivating-bonsai-from-the

Hmh, that's not actually that much but... I even have the money but don't have the motivation to go out and get them, plus I also don't have the courage (anxiety blah blah blah).

Glee The New Rachel review

When I first heard the Call Me Maybe version I thought it was absolutely horrible but it sounded good on the show. I liked Heather's bit the most (probably cause she is the most autotuned singer out of them all). The "new" guy...er was it Wade? He sounds good aswell.

Okay the girl who sang with Rachel was kinda boring.

establishing once again

So here I am freaking out trying to study for the test tomorrow when the workmen outside my window are having the most ridiculous conversation ever. They're like grown men and they talk about orange peel skin, gynecologist and smelling. Whatever, dudes, but thanks for establishing once again that men are idiots.

Oh and yesterday I had a bike collision with a little boy. He rode into me but luckily no one was hurt. I was so worried an angry mother would pop out out of nowhere and have a go at me.

Yeaaahhh...onto studying again!

I just can't exist!

Blub blub blub! Why oh why do I have this anxiety and nausea during classes!? Went to the doctor today and she said there's nothing she can do either. I wanna go to university, not deal with this stupid illness! If I cannot adjust to uni, then I sure cannot adjust to a new job. So what the fuck am I supposed to do!? I just can't exist! It's so hard to find anything positive in each day. I mean the seminar was fun today but I couldn't fully enjoy it cause of nausea. Well I bought ginger pills so hopefully they'll help me.

severely invading

Bollocks! Have major anxiety and it's severely invading my uni life.

isn't that good of an idea

Waaahh, have anxiety about next week and how I'll get on in classes.
Maybe coming to mother's place at weekends isn't that good of an idea.

Oh please please

Yessss! I finished the first week of uni! And I didn't even take Valium in the only class we had today. Oh please please let it continue like this!

Plus it was my dead grandmother's birthday yesterday. Happy, bday granny!

Woot!

Woot! I managed to sit through all of my classes today. The first one was hard and I thought I was gonna go home and forget about uni but I'm glad I didn't. Plus tonight we went out with the girls taking the course. Was fun and well... most girls seemed great. Not that anyone seemed not so great, I just didn't get the chance to talk to everybody. But it was super nice. I mean yeah I had to take Valium drops but meh. We went to a few pubs and one of them made me feel a bit weird so I came home. Have to take my pills and all. Ahhh... one class tomorrow and then I can spend the weekend at my mother's. Can't wait. Hopefully the class won't be a pain.

The One Where No One's Ready

Ughhh, been watchinng Friends and I still very much hate Rachel. In this episode she got mad at Ross cause he was yelling at and humiliating her. Well, that bitch deserved it. And then they made Ross apologise to that cunt!? Arghh, that stupid bitch, I loathe her!

Yeah and on a positive note, I managed to sit through one of the uni classes today. Woohoo. Had to take about 15 drops of Valium but who cares! Tomorrow I have another class and then on Thrusday I have classes from 8.15 til 6 o'clock. Ahhh, and then I'll have 2 classes on Friday and then I will go to my moter's place. I really hope I can sit though all of the classes and that my anxiety won't be a bitch to me. Fingers crossed.

Oh and I gained a follower! Hello there :)

make or break

Gahhh, uni tomorrow. Well, it's... make or break now.

And totally unrelated, been listening to this:

give college a try

Okay, I decided to give college a try. Tomorrow I will go to the bank and ask about grant stuff.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, please body, work with me now! I really need education and I'm getting older and older.

just simply love

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Love! I just cannot express my love for this song. It's so enchanting. I just simply love this song. Love love love love it!

On another, much sadder note, my health has hit rock bottom again. My anxiety is back just as strongly as it was before. I wouldn't mind if I didn't feel so nauseous. Think I'll take the next week off of work aswell. And there's definitely no uni for me this year. *blub*

no uni for this year for sure

Oh goddess... yesterday was a horrible day. Or the day before yesterday now. Major anxiety and nausea.
So I guess this means no uni for this year for sure. :(

in her cunt mode

Ugh, the mother's friend is over and she's in her cunt mode again. Bitch!

wish everyone good health

So today has been weird. Been watching Mystery Diagnosis and I just want to wish everyone good health. It's terrible what people have to go through. I'm not saying that my condition is nothing compared to those shown on the show but they're horrible nevertheless.

Oh and I think my anxiety hasn't got worse. I just started periods and that must have set it off. Will take a while to get my confidence back again. Shopping for food is soooo hard again.

TS10082012

Ugghhhh

Ugghhhh, why in the world do I have anxiety again!? Didn't go into work today cause of it. I just cannot eat outside home, and barely at home. I hope my mother is right and it's cause of university notifications. I've been accepting and rejecting some courses. Right now I'm in for English and literature. I have to pay for it though. Will see how it goes.

gone forever

So today was the funeral of my classmate. Luckily I managed to sit through the whole thing. I was too scared to look at his body at first but did it eventually anyway. I didn't cry but it was sad to see his mother attend the coffin.
It's still weird to think he's gone forever.

a strange room full of strangers

Wow, what a day. Left half an hour early from work to get to this second hand clothes shop to give them my CV. I went to print it out at my mother's work place (the shop is like a minute away from there). When I checked my e mail I discovered I had got into a university. Wow, I dunno what to do now. Like, if I'll get the job I don't know whether I'll take it or go study.
I'm just scared cause of the anxiety. Dunno if I'm able to be in a strange room full of strangers. Think I'd adjust to the work better.

no bitch can bitch

Well, I got my first bollocking in my new appartment. Guess for what! Windows!
What is up with people wanting the windows closed!? Like the old lady said nobody in Tartu has their windows open like me. Seriously, I just don't give a fuck how others have their windows, mine are supposed to be open. I like fresh air in my room.
She was saying how she continuously has asked me to close the window. Well, fuck, I continuously open my window cause I want it open. Why in the world is her wish more important than mine. I understand it's her apartment but it's my room, I'm paying for it.
Seriously when I have my own house or apartment one day I'm not building any windows in, I'll just have holes in walls so no bitch can bitch.

On another note, I might go to my classmate's funeral on Saturday. I found out today that I was in the same class with him, not for "quite a few years", but all of the 12 years. I just didn't remember it at first. Gah, it'd be my first funeral. I'll pack a pack of tissues just in case, although I think I won't be inside the crematory long enough to get emotional, my anxiety will kick in first. Ahh, nerve wrecking.

Annnnd, I'm looking for a new job since the one I have now is seasonal, til the end of September.

paying my respects

Today I'm paying my respects to Raido. A lad I was in the same class with for quite a few years. Just found out he drowned. How horrible!

I'm meant to complain and suffer

Blah, so I won't be going to any universities which means I gotta start looking for a new job. Life sucks. And all of this is happening when I tried to be more poisitive and happy. It's impossible. I'm meant to complain and suffer!

Ah yes!

Ah yes! I got the appartment that I wanted. Can't say it's entirely what I expected but... meh.
And unfortunately I'm so so anxious. Like the lady I'll be living with had baked a cake for my moving in and I couldn't eat it cause I was so nervous. I felt I was being so impolite and rude.
My mother's man helped me to get all my things to the appartment and he said he thought it's gonna be a bit difficult living there cause of the lady. She is a bit old and in need of serious communication but I think I can handle it.
The only downer is I can't have men staying the night. She disallowed it. No more one night stands I guess. Maybe a boyfriend?!

it's... mad

Wah, I so hope I'll get the place I'll be checking out tomorrow. I'm so anxious about moving. New place to get used to and a new shop to get used to. Plus I don't know what's gonna happen in september. Like whether I'll be looking for a new job or going to university. And how I will cope with all that. Scary. If I didn't have anxiety disorder it would be an anxious time but with the disorder it's... mad.

good fun and lovely

The father's family came to visit us yesterday. Was good fun and lovely. Unfortunately they didn't spend the night since my brother was ill and they thought it was better for him to be at home.
And I think I found a new place for me to live in. Hopefully I'll get it.

I love everybody and everything

Ahhh, I love everybody and everything at the minute. Eventhough my stomach is paining me.

peanut butter isn't real

:D hahahaa

Luckily, today I feel a little better but don't think I'll be going in tomorrow either.

Whiiiiiinneee!

Whiiiiiinneee! Why do I feel like shit!? I don't wanna feel sick. At all. I'm too scared to go outside in case I get really bad anxiety. Gah, I don't have a fever either so I dunno what kinda pill to take to feel better.

TE16072012

feel like shit

I dunno what's going on but I feel like shit. Can't eat. Wonder if it's anxiety or something else. Didn't go into work today and won't go in tomorrow. Oh and I got into university. Think I have to take the course since I didn't get in anywhere else.

a bit more positive and happy

So I've decided to be a bit more positive and happy.

TS12072012

will not be having this bossing!

Today, I felt so fucking useless at work. This girl was bossing me around and I let her.
Tomorrow, I will not be having this bossing!
Oh and I'm so impatiently waiting to see if I got in to any of the colleges I applied for. I still have a feeling I won't get in. And this year even my mother wants me to get into college!

a blah day

What a blah day it was today. Didin't go in to work, went shopping with mother instead. Everything would have been nice if I hadn't had anxiety. Got a few things anyway. And my, is hot or what!?

a great day

The other day I had such a great day. Spent the evening out on town with friends. And it was so great cause I didn't get anxiety. And now I wanna work at a restaurant. Don't think I'm all ready for it but we'll see. Oh and I really wanna get into college!

I'm barefoot

Good girl, well done!

Woah, today has been pretty busy. First, I had to ride to town from the mother's place. And it so conviniently started to rain and I got soaking wet. Utterly saturated! Then I had to bike to the other end of the town to see a doctor. I got a shot in my arm last Thursday and had to go back today to get it looked at. It was some tuberculosis shot.
Then I totally broke my trousers cause I don't have the cover on my bike that covers the gears and the chain. So I went to a bicycle shop to get that. Had to bike back and forth to get money for that. Then I finally got home. Ate some (oh I nearly fainted at the shop when buying food. Cause of my anxiety and shit). And then I had to bike to work. I only worked for an hour and a half cause I missed most of my work day biking.
And when I thought everything, all the biking, was done my internet stick broke. I wasn't gonna wait til tomorrow to get it. And yes, I rode my bike to the shop to get a new one. Cost me 37 euros.

Blahh...so now I'm tired with aching legs. But eventhough I almost fainted I'm pretty proud of myself for going out in public with my disorder. Good girl, well done!

she can suck my dick, that cunt

Yeah so I went downstairs now and the mother said, "Would you like some strawberry jam". Well....fuck you. At first she chewed my head off cause of the icecream and now I have to be all friendly with her. I told her where to go and she told me to get out. Well, bitch you cannot kick me out cause I'm registered in this house and it belongs to your man not you. Yeah I told her that and she said I cannot be "bossy" with her. Yeah, like she can do whatever the fuck she wants and everyone else has to obey to her?! Don't think so, she can suck my dick, that cunt.

this stupid ass cunt

Okay, the mother has some serious anger management issues. I put some icecream on a plate and left it on the table while I helped my brother find a song on YouTube. In comes the spazoid and starts screaming about the icecream. What a retarded twat. She always turns into this stupid ass cunt when her friend is over.

have to go to hospital

Blah... I have to go to hospital for tuberculosis testing and I really don't wanna go. I'm just really anxious about it :(

hospital

So my mother's man went to hospital today. He's got tuberculosis. He's gonna stay in hospital for at least two months.
I ,on the other hand, will not go to hospital. Got a call from the doctor today asking if I was coming but nah. I'm doing a lot better than before so I don't wanna mess it all up.

TS12062012

TE17062012

feel a bit guilty now

I feel a bit guilty now that I haven't gone in to work for two days.
I just cannot get up in the mornings, dunno what it is. Thinking it might be anxiety cause the girl I used to work with quit. Blah... even if I go to bed at 8 I cannot get up in the morning, majorly annoying.

some very important news

Oh and I forgot some very important news. Donna, the dog we used to own, is preggers! How amazing!

Donna

Take what you take

Okay, yesterday I learned a few things. Like, I must never stand up for my mother cause she only sticks with me when she's in trouble. When I'm in need of support she sticks with any one but me.
Second thing I learned is that my father really is a chauvinist. Mother said that when they were married he didn't allow my mother to go out and have fun, she had to stay st home, cook and look after me.
Oh and she also said it was abnormal of me not to be in a relationship. Like, I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship with the kind of men she is and has been with.
So her and her friend were all acting like they were older, more experienced and wiser. Well, fuck, you sure are older than me but you're also bitter and stupid.

change of plans again

Ahh, change of plans again. So I wanted to get an apartment with a friend. That failed. Wanted to get a flat for myself. And now I'm making plans to move in with my mother's friend. I hope this will happen cause it might be a bit boring living alone.
And I have a date for Thursday.

Glee Goodbye review

Okay, the teacher's song was boring.

Oh god, not The Notebook reference. I hated that film!

That Burt scene was so unnecessary.

Thank goddess, Kurt's song was nice.

Wow, wow, wow, I was totally on the edge of my seat here throughout the car scene with Finn and Rachel. Didn't see that coming. Who's writing this shit?! It's been major crap for three years and now they have this good scene in the final episode?

without major anxiety

Today, so far, has been a great day. I managed to go to the shop without major anxiety. Woohoo. Think the girl I'm working with is a good influence on me. :) Plus, I will take a smaller dosage of Mirtazapin from here on out.

I drove a car!

I drove a car! Well, I was in charge of the pedals and my mother's man steered.

Glee Nationals review

Wow, what a long umber it was. Wasn't half bad.

Gahhhh, why is Lindsay Lohan everywhere she doesn't belong!?

Vocal Adrenalin's performance was so much better. And it ended. Wasn't the worst.

Glee Props review

I'm totally cool with Tina being forgotten cause nobody really wants to see the Sasquatch.

Well the song that Rachel sang was boring as hell. Luckily the lyrics were good.

Hahahahaaaaaa at the fit TINA COHEN CHANG had :D Ahahahaaaaa
God she is ugly when she has her angry face on!

Niiiice! Lea looks hot in this emo get-up.
Oh god what a boring version of the song Tina sang!

Ooooh, what's that?! A meaningful scene on Glee? Liked that Beaste said she was gonna love herself.

Damn, I had forgotten how good of a singer Mark Salling is.

All in all, it was a rather good episode and I didn't even cringe as much as I thought I would cause of the Sasquatch. She was a little likable.

Oh life

As Des'ree has sung-  "Sometimes living out your dreams, ain't as easy as it seems". How true!
I want to be independant and I am, almost. I want a gardening job and I have one. And they're both accompanied by anxiety. I wanna study at a university and I have all the chances, yet my anxiety won't let me. Okay maybe those things are quite big and important then... I wanna go shopping, there's the shop and I have anxiety about that too. I wanna go jogging, there's the road and I can't cause of my anxiety. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh, it's so annoying.

TS08052012

Glee Prom-asaurus review

How do people review the show's story lines? What's there to review anyway? That's why I only talk about scenes.
Lea and Darren sound really good together.

Well, I like Heather Morris as an artist but the Dinosaur number was a little weird. Couldn't they really pick a bit more normal theme for prom?

Well well, can Naya Rivera do no wrong?

Ahahahahahaaa.... this probably wasn't meant to be funny but when Finn and Rachel kissed in the hotel room, Puck made me laugh out loud, the way he looked at the kissers and so casually ate crisps.

I didn't like WMYB in the clip that was aired before the episode but I actually enjoyed it in he show. The coreography was quite cool :) This boyband thing really grew on me.

I don't understand why a gay man was voted for prom queen and why a lesbian is nominated for prom king. Can't a woman be a woman and a man be a man with them both liking the same sex?

Take My Breath Away was the best part of the episode.

a little logic would do

So I apparently ate my flatmates coco puffs or whatevers. The things were all dried up in the packet so.. a little logic would do. Ah well, I don't have to worry about such things soon anyway. My plan to move in with a friend failed cause she wants to move in with her boyfriend instead but I'm getting a place for myself anyway. I just need a smaller room and cheaper rent. I don't understand why everyone has a boyfriend or a child anyway. Where's the rush people!? Why don't I have a single childless friend to move in with?!

Jälle vaatad seda meest!

Hahaha.. was looking at pics of Kevin McHale. Little brother came over and said, "Jälle vaatad seda meest! Meeldib sulle jah?"
Ahh..it makes me so happy my brother knows I fancy him.

it'd be fun

So I might be moving in with my friend. I hope I do cause it'd be fun.

get over it

oh come on! It's just Glee. People need to get over it.

so out of tune I can't tune

Ughhh, my violin's so out of tune I can't tune it!

Life has been okay for the last few weeks. I'm expecting a call from hospital any day now. They will aske me to go to hospital but I won't go. I just don't wanna. I might be a lot better when I get out but I hate getting used to new surroundings and shit.

Work is okay but a little boring. Hopefully I'll last til september.
Yeah...there really isn't much to talk about... Oh I'm sort of crushing on one of my coworkers.:D

Glee Choke review

Hahahahaaaa, oh how funny did the Sasquatch look with that curly hair!?

Wahhhhhh, my eyes!! I saw Sasquatch's butt!!

Why in the world do teachers in America share their personal life with pupils!?

The girls' song was the best part of the episode, also Puck scenes cause he's been in the background for too long.

Glee Dance With Somebody review

Woah woah woah! Me likey! :D
I Wanna Dance With Somebody was sooooooooooooooo good! Definitely one of the bestest of songs Glee has done.

Oh craps, why do Blaine and Kurt have to have reasonable fights!?

Yes! Kevin singing My Love Is Your Love!

dunno

My psychiatrist kind of told me to get a man. I don't really know anyone that's good enough. There's this one lad at work but dunno...

cannot express my love

Today we had our very first BBQ this year. And I played badminton for the first time today, with my mother.
Was nice, although one of our dogs had like five tics.


Yeah and what got my writing now was this dude:

I cannot express my love for violins!

Glee Saturday Night Glee-ver review.

Hahahaa...Glee are really...I don't even know what to say. What's with the transvestite?

At least the glee clubbers know disco sucks. It's a pain listening to the guys singi so high.

Ahahahaaaaa...this has been the best joke of the whole show so far. Finn being selected to the final round for his dancing. Whatever...

Gotta admit, the transvestite number was the best in this episode.

Miski piniseb aga ainult mina kuulen

Hahaaa...sometimes I love my forum.

everything's missing

Gah, everything's missing. Like, my Wicca book. Wanted to educate myself but can't.

betraying the whole country?

Why is it that when a woman is dating a forigner other women think it's cool and exotic but men think it's betraying the whole country?

How unfair!?

So I've been working with mentally challenged people. Today I worked with a guy who became "mad" when he was a kid. His two front teeth were coming in and he got a fever. It went up so high he fell into a coma and his brain didn't get oxygen for about a minute and now his life is screwed. How unfair!?

Glee Big Brother review

Well, I liked the ramp scene where Quinn had to "push".

Yes, Sasquatch was dead! :D

Oh dear, Fighter didn't sound good. Thankfully Somebody That I Used To Know sounded decent.

Yeah that's about it. Was boring.

hospital again

Okay, I have to go to hospital again. This time with an eating disorder. Sort of. I don't really see the point but the doctors and my mother are very sure of it and want me to do it. Hopefully this hospital won't be as strict as the other one I stayed in two years ago.

unfortunately

So I thought I was pregnant from the doofus who pretty much raped me. Not that I want his child but I would have loved to be pregnant and have a baby. Well I gotta say it, unfortunately, I'm not preggers.
Damn, I already planned out how I'd tell my mother the news and shit.
It'll happen when it's the right time, if it happens at all. Guess there are better ways and times to get and be pregnant.

Life has been pretty normal. Work and rest, work and rest. Spending my weekends at my mother's.

Will go out now to read my Wicca book. The weather is quite nice for a change.

06042012

Congrats to me

So I successfully finished my first week on the job! Woohoo! Congrats to me for sticking it out, with my anxiety and all.
At mother's house.

so pampered...yet not well

I feel so pampered...yet not well. My feet are absolutely killing me. But I got to take a shower, rub some gel on my feet and put soft socks on.
Ahh...work. Tomorrow's my last day this week. Mother here I come!

Ahh...work. Can't wait for it to be weekend!

Ahh...work. Can't wait for it to be weekend! :D
It's not too bad actually but I haven't visited my mother's house in ages. Friday, right after work I'll go down there and enjoy my very first official days off from work. Well, I hope I'll last til friday. Anxiety hasn't been too bad so I should be good.
I'll take my camera with me tomorrow and take some pics of the cherry trees I'm working on. Not that there's anything beautiful but still...

in a greenhouse all day

Oh dear goddess. Yesterday I had my very first day at my new workplace. Was in a greenhouse all day cleaning up cherry trees. I was literally dead by the end of my work day and was too tired to blog.
I was just dozing off til I properly fell asleep.
Had a bit of a fever aswell and felt crappy so I didn't go in today. Ugh, I wish I was rid of this flu already.

What a doofus

Okay yesterday was one of the worst days. I didn't feel my best and still don't feel okay as of today. So no work for me, for now.
Secondly, I think I was sort of raped. Had this guy over and he was waaaaayyy over eager. Plus the dink didn't cum on a safe place. What a doofus! I hope I won't get pregnant from him.

The future is looking bright even if it won't be

So I managed to fall ill after all, after all this time. Have a sore throat and runny nose. Have been feeling quite okay otherwise. Anxiety wise. Been super bored though, cannot wait to start working next monday. And I cannot wait to go down a dosage of one of my pills. The future is looking bright even if it won't be.

TE08032012

been taking the wrong pills all along

So it looks as though I've been taking the wrong pills all along. Last night I felt a cold coming on so I drank a flu tea which contained paracetamol. After a while I started feeling so good. It totally worked for my anxiety aswell. I went to the shop and didn't think about anxiety at all when normally I have to keep fighting against an anxiety attack when visiting a shop. I have yet to discuss it with my doctor.

dried leaves on cherry trees

Okay, the job interview went quite well. Will have a test day on Monday. Have to clean up the dried leaves on cherry trees. :)

job interview this wednesday

Squee! I've got a job interview this wednesday. If I get the job I'll be working in a garden. My anxiety should really chill for now. I can have it when I'm at home.

TS05032012

it's like going into snakepit

Oh dear.
I just made an appointment with a psychologist for 27th of March. I'm already dreading it now.
Mother said she wants me to be in hospital.
Ugh, it's like going into snakepit.

Not cool

Boohoo, I'm sick with stomach flu. Not cool.

Waah

Waah, my anxiety is so baaaad!
How on earth can I go to the shop when I'm like that.

depressed in town

Oh dear. I feel so depressed in town, at my appartment.
There's nothing to do. I cannot wait til the snow melts and I can start working in some garden.
I'm eating like crazy and I crave sugar like a mad person. For reals, so much stuff to eat!

about life

So I haven't written much about life on here. Things have been pretty tame. Went out biking today and think the bike broke down. It does this weird thing when I'm peddling.
The brother's home sick.
Hopefully I won't catch anything cause I'm scared of every health issue these days.
Yeah, that's about it.

Oh and it smelled a bit like spring when I was out today. Loved it but then got anxiety and it ruined everything.

Glee On My Way review

Okay, the Kurt and Blaine storyline is really starting to get on my nerves. They should totally have some unreasonable fight like the rest of the characters. And I continue to abhor the horrid gay men worshipping on the show. Okay yous made it very clear that Kurt had won when he got into the school he wanted to get into, why the hell make Karofsky pay for bullying Kurt?! And I was right all along, they shouldn't have touched the gay suicide business, especially when it's done so untactfully.

Ahh, the victory in the competition was so predictable. It's some characters' last year so...


Oh how big of Kurt to visit Dave. Not. Just a typical Kurt-in-your-face-with-his-nauseating-reasoning Glee scene.

At least the title of the episode was clever and appropriate enough.

Glee Heart review

Okay. How the hell are the parents allowed to show up at school and start pushing pianos around?!

As much as I hate the Sasquatch, she sounded very good on the song. Good thing for me is she sounds crap live, so I win! Ha!

Why in the world did Kevin wanna sing this song since season one? It's such a boring song.

Does anybody actually give a fuck about Sam and Mercedes?

Belated Glee The Spanish Teacher review

Since my sources were a bit slow my review comes in late.

First off, Ricky is quite good and likable.

Second, Naya Rivera is hot and excellent.

But why make Kurt the sensible one again. Just cause he likes dicks doesn't mean he's sensible. And as someone once pointed out all the negative and senseless characters in the show are female. What the actual fuck!? It so is!

Yesss, bitchesss!

Yesss, bitchesss! I finished translating my paper. Hopefully I'll get the job. :)

Oh what I would give to be able to walk outside freely

Well I woke up today and felt...desperate. Sort of.
I felt like going out walking all over the place and being the bitch but then remembered I can't cause of my anxiety. Oh what I would give to be able to walk outside freely. This cold doesn't exactly help either.
Makes me sad when I think about the state I'm in. Anxiety...

TS03022012

gonna be a shitbag afterall

Waah, cannot be arsed to translate my paper. Mother told me to finish it and not be a shitbag. Looks like I'm gonna be a shitbag afterall.

Glee Michael review

Okay, I'm totally avoiding translating my piece but meh, gotta watch Glee.

So here I am sitting with a big grin on my face, waiting for a major cringe to come on.
Oh dear Bad.... bored already.
Never Can Say Godbye... even more boring.
Kurt got inrto his school... huge shocker there.
Okay Smooth Criminal was a rip off.

Oh dear, I'm really put off with all these "hee hee"s.

Well, that's about it. Still very Glee-ish episode and didn't like it much but it wasn't a disaster.

"groundbreaking research"

Oh goddess. I have four pages of text I need to translate. I wouldn't mind but it's just so weird, it's about this "groundbreaking research" that will help men get any woman they want.
And translating is a little hard cause... I understand what it says in English but have trouble finding Estonian words or phrases that correspond to it.
Well, once I finish translating it I better get the translator job!

A dream will come true when the person needs it to come true

Talked to this one person on MSN and this is what she said: A dream will come true when the person needs it to come true. What a great thought!

Plus when I get a job I will buy a strap on for my lady friends to come.

Where's my false teeth?

hahaa, my ex doesn't know what MSN is. :D

Sending out love and wellbeing

Just got off the phone with my baby brother. The poor thing got sick 6 times last night. Thank goddess he's doing better. Sending out love and wellbeing.

Enjoy your meal

Ahahahaa

Double blah

Ugh, I'm struggling with being at my appartment. I wanna go to my mother's place so bad but she won't let me go there, she tells me to stick it out.
Blah... Plus think I have a stomach bug. Double blah.

Weird, but it works

Okay, I found a way to shop anxiety free. I use a shopping trolley. It gives me something to hold onto so I donä't feel like passing out. Weird, but it works.

really really really hope

Okay, I really really really hope I will get a job at this one place. It's close to where I live and it's basically everything I wanna do for living. Will call the place tomorrow.
Oh and I was supposed to have a sort of a job interview tomorrow anyway but I forgot to confirm it cause I was so extatic over being picked for an interview. Doh!

dreaded time

So the dreaded time has come when it's all snowy out and impossible to bike.
Ugh, I sure hope it'll melt real quick cause now I'm stuck in my appartment. Oh and I'm going to move into a smaller room in the same appartment soon.

Glee Yes/No review

Okay, again I thought they said they weren't gonna break into a song randomly... so why the Grease number outside the choir room? And the Jayma number?!

Agree with Becky on Artie though.

Ahahahaa, I cannot believe Will asked Finn to be his best man. Oh dear.... what even...

Oh dear, the song the girls sang in black dresses, sitting. It was more like a funeral song.

The Without You song was quite alright actually.

Ahhh, I knew Finn was gonna propose! :D

Why the tree obsession?

Saw this film today. I must say again Hayao Miyazaki is a genius. Plus I loved the village/scenery.

The story itself was a little weaker than in Mononoke Hime. Why the tree obsession? :)

a crocodile and a giraffe...

Jill: I can't believe that you made a decision like this without me.
Tim: If you'd been in the room arguing with them you'd have made the same decision.
Jill: No, I wouldn't have. I would have discussed it with the boys then I would have waited for you to come home and we could've discussed it as a family.
Tim: And after all the discussion the boys would have been what, ninty?
Jill: Great! Make jokes!
Tim: Okay, a crocodile and a giraffe...

bag the job

This one place that was looking for workers got about 800 applications and they picked out 150 for round two. And I was lucky enough to be picked. On the 20th of January they have some sort of an orientation thingy and then they will pick five people for the job.
I'm thinking I won't even make it to the orientation with my lousy health let alone get the job.
And I have a pic on my cv that's taken when I'm all made up and shit so now I don't know what I'll do to myself to look that representable.
Ugh...if only I didn't have anxiety. I'd so bag the job.

Plus, my mother doesn't like me sleeping around. She doesn't understand how one can sleep with a stranger. I call it common sense.

Oh and I hope it will stop snowing soon. If I can't get to a place by bike I won't get there at all.

Job well done

So today I learned something new. There was this stupid ass position that I didn't feel comfortable doing it in but it all changed today. :) Job well done.

rubber sex or no sex

Well, this guy actually told me he has low sperm count and I wouldn't get pregnant. And I said rubber sex or no sex. I'm 26 not 6.

And I'm excited about getting new boots. Hopefully I'll find a dress or skirt to go with them.

TE07012012

I can take it

Squee! I have two lads booked on Monday. Hopefully I can take it.
Sex sex sex!

What the fuck seriously like!

Okay, I totally fucked up my chicken today and I spent all of my money on the dinner.
I'm thinking of going to my mother's house tomorrow cause I don't have any more money or anything to eat.
Blah, why on earth do they add so much carrot in stir fries!? Plus dill flavoured potatoes!? What the fuck seriously like!

felt like the bitch

Oh how I wish it was summer. It'd still be light and warm out and I could be riding my bike or hanging out with someone.
Instead it's cold and dark out and I'm alone at home bored out of my mind.
I must say yesterday was a great day though. Last night I felt superior to my anxiety and I felt like the bitch.
I'm having trouble with going to bed at decent hour though. But oh how wonderful it would be if I felt like I did yesterday all the time.

Plus, I've arranged another one night stand on Monday. Should be fun!And I'm supposed to meet up with some people tomorrow.

lives in a pie in the sky

Money can buy a house but not a home,

money can buy a bed but not sleep,

money can buy a watch but not time,

money can buy a book but not wisdom,

money can buy a status but not respect,

money can buy medical attendance but not health,

money can buy blood but not life, 

money can buy sex but not love.

So someone made this list. I remember back in my school days one of our teachers told us to start thinking that money cannot buy us the most important things. Well...that's a load of bollocks.

With money you can make a house into your dream home. You can put all of your effort, body and mind and soul into creating your home.

Money can buy you sleeping pills if you have trouble sleeping.

And hellooo!? Money is wisdom these days - you must be able to afford college to get a proper education.

And if you have a lot of money you have a high status, respect and time. You can very easily buy love and life.

And again money equals health these days.

Seriosuly whoever tried to look all "real" and sincere with the list lives in a pie in the sky.

absolutely no idea

Yeah, last night was weird. I woke up and didn't recognise my flat. I had absolutely no idea where I was.

Me and my friend applied for the same job, hopefully one of us will get it.

The second patch of pups

The second patch of pups. Just found the pic. They're long gone though.

after I'd done a pregnancy test

Well, I'm not pregnant. Started my period today just after I'd done a pregnancy test.
Was kind of relieved and disappointed. I was getting ready to be all happy and shit.

Anyway, went to visit a girl I went to school with. Was nice.

TS03012012

Choose a miracle

 While I'm feeling a little courageous and not crippled by anxiety I came up with a few things. I want fake boobs. I thought I'd get bigger boobs if I get fat, well I'm fat and my boobs are still small. Not happening, for the rest of my life. At one point I will do something about it. I don't mind the rest of ym fat body... if only everything was in propoprtion, the boobs are the only things that "stick out" cause they're so small.

Yeah and I cannot wait til summer. I don't want winter anymore, I had enough of snow last year... oh and how I hope and hope and hope the anxiety would just FUCK OFF FOREVER! It gets in the way of everything. My mother wants me to see a psychologist but I don't. I don't wanna talk about the bloody thing anymore.

I better not be pregnant

Okay, my period is five days late. I better not be pregnant.

What went down yesterday?

What went down yesterday?
So I was wearing my pink flowery pj bottoms and a pink tank top and everyone had something to say about the outfit. It wasn't appropriate cause you could see too much flesh and it looked too much like underwear.
So I put on a dress that my mother suggested. Since I've gained so much weight it was very tight and short, so it was a no go again.
I ended up witht he same pj bottoms and a white tank top.
Yeah and then we had an argument with my mum's man. He said karaoke and parody were the same thing. Wherever he got that idea from.

Yeah and around twelve o'clock then... we had a little firework ourselves. Mother's man had these old army thingies..like from the '60s and they fell down real quick and were burning on the ground. Was scary.

No new year resolutions.